6:28am 3/24/11
Do you think we'll always be like this? --And I knew you'd know exactly what I was getting to. I knew that my hand on the back of your neck said it all. And I knew that you'd say I don't know. Because that's what I said. I do not know...
The part that never changed about us. We spent a few short months getting to know each other and loving everything we came to know about each other. Then we got closer, frighteningly close. We grew so fond of each other. And I recall telling myself that we could move mountains. The world we built for ourselves suggested just that much. We loved each other to the point where it began to hurt. Then it hurt to the point where we began destroying what we created. And we both knew it was because we were holding on to the past, and we were scared that if things changed, we wouldn't be the same. And so we spent some long, wintery months fighting with each other because of each other for each other. I think back now and God we were ridiculous. Everything made us fight. We learned how to be angry, how to be assholes, how to tap dance on each others' nerves, how to hold back from punching each other in the face. But I always loved every bit of you at the end of the day. It had to get worse though.
I remember during our second summer.. after the peek of our emotionally violent fights.. after simmering from being possessively heated best friends to barely and coldly acquainted, I told myself that I was quite well without you. I told myself that everything was fine. I didn't need you as my best friend, and you didn't need me. And to be truthful, it did get easier not having you anymore. And then we spent those few months not seeing each other anymore, not living in each others' houses anymore, not talking, barely even friends. Just associated with the same people. And our lives went about smoothly.
But you and I have a better story than that. Effortlessly and seamlessly, just as our lives began changing again, we found each other again. And it was so easy, I almost didn't recognize the beauty of it. But it was. We were so sly, so silent. Everything we were was...needless to say. Every now and then, I'd catch myself thinking how far we've come. You are the only one that I've had such a stormy relationship with that I know in my gut will last and last. We always prove everything wrong. You're always my best friend at the end of the day.
This is the part that never changed about us. After the destructive months we have shared getting wrapped up in the fallacy that our love we thought insisted, being together is still the same exact way. We can talk with out holding back and I can tell you every single little detail that runs in my head because you do the same. And we still sleep the same. It baffles me, this part. You feel as if we bare no scars from our Dark Ages when I sleep next to you. It's the same warmth. The same comfort. The same breathing. The same ridiculous grumbles from your stomach. It's like we molded our sleep to compliment each other... forever.
We both know forever doesn't exist. And after all these months, our barely second year together, I'm not afraid to lose you anymore. I'll never lose you, not really. Even if you and I stop talking for months on, maybe even years. Even if I move far away, or if you do. What ever we built exists and I'll always be satisfied to know this much. I'll always be satisfied to know that... you are the clever scum that can have me shaking my head at the thought of you, slobbering at your ridiculous remarks, rolling my eyes when you're being a cunt, dancing one of my best dances, and loving even the most irritating things about you. And fuck, I know you well enough to recognize every little irritating thing about you. But like I said, I love you to bits and pieces.
The part that never changed about us. We spent a few short months getting to know each other and loving everything we came to know about each other. Then we got closer, frighteningly close. We grew so fond of each other. And I recall telling myself that we could move mountains. The world we built for ourselves suggested just that much. We loved each other to the point where it began to hurt. Then it hurt to the point where we began destroying what we created. And we both knew it was because we were holding on to the past, and we were scared that if things changed, we wouldn't be the same. And so we spent some long, wintery months fighting with each other because of each other for each other. I think back now and God we were ridiculous. Everything made us fight. We learned how to be angry, how to be assholes, how to tap dance on each others' nerves, how to hold back from punching each other in the face. But I always loved every bit of you at the end of the day. It had to get worse though.
I remember during our second summer.. after the peek of our emotionally violent fights.. after simmering from being possessively heated best friends to barely and coldly acquainted, I told myself that I was quite well without you. I told myself that everything was fine. I didn't need you as my best friend, and you didn't need me. And to be truthful, it did get easier not having you anymore. And then we spent those few months not seeing each other anymore, not living in each others' houses anymore, not talking, barely even friends. Just associated with the same people. And our lives went about smoothly.
But you and I have a better story than that. Effortlessly and seamlessly, just as our lives began changing again, we found each other again. And it was so easy, I almost didn't recognize the beauty of it. But it was. We were so sly, so silent. Everything we were was...needless to say. Every now and then, I'd catch myself thinking how far we've come. You are the only one that I've had such a stormy relationship with that I know in my gut will last and last. We always prove everything wrong. You're always my best friend at the end of the day.
This is the part that never changed about us. After the destructive months we have shared getting wrapped up in the fallacy that our love we thought insisted, being together is still the same exact way. We can talk with out holding back and I can tell you every single little detail that runs in my head because you do the same. And we still sleep the same. It baffles me, this part. You feel as if we bare no scars from our Dark Ages when I sleep next to you. It's the same warmth. The same comfort. The same breathing. The same ridiculous grumbles from your stomach. It's like we molded our sleep to compliment each other... forever.
We both know forever doesn't exist. And after all these months, our barely second year together, I'm not afraid to lose you anymore. I'll never lose you, not really. Even if you and I stop talking for months on, maybe even years. Even if I move far away, or if you do. What ever we built exists and I'll always be satisfied to know this much. I'll always be satisfied to know that... you are the clever scum that can have me shaking my head at the thought of you, slobbering at your ridiculous remarks, rolling my eyes when you're being a cunt, dancing one of my best dances, and loving even the most irritating things about you. And fuck, I know you well enough to recognize every little irritating thing about you. But like I said, I love you to bits and pieces.
