Thursday, June 30, 2011

"Think I'm drunk enough to drive you home now"

I can't find the straight line to face your eyes sometimes.
Even when I want you to take off your shoes.
I just make this funny sound. Or some gesture. Like I'm irritated. Or indifferent. And I don't care for a second.
I pretend you're unkind.

Then I sew my mouth shut just to make you twitch. Maybe stutter. Or just blink. And you find a way to win that game. Because you said I'm scary.
Then one night I felt how scary I was.

I become monstrosity with hair.
Kind of like a mess of my hair; a disarray of fried intimidation and exasperation. With claws. Or nails dug deep down your arm. And the bite marks bluing.
When I make my way for the front door, I decide what's my kind.
And in the best of our entanglement, I roll my eyes. I shut my door. I cross my legs and wait till I splatter across the four walls and the ceiling above the floor.
I wait. "We're beautiful," I say to the darkness once you're home.
Cowardice, I whisper.
And I'm so still.
Still disconnected from a straight line...

I'm Wide Awake and It's Morning by Bright Eyes

The song Lua in this album. Conor Oberst wrote it so fantastically. I remember putting this album on repeat and imagining him in a dark room with a bottle of something, drinking, and being so incredibly sad. And I felt sad. And I loved the album so much that I found every way I can to relate to him so I can feel what he was feeling when he wrote it. I wish there was a better and more profound word I can use to describe music aside from 'beautiful' but nothing else will suffice.

Messing with Mikal


Too many pictures, not enough words

I always tell myself that I have nothing to say, that's why I never write here anymore. That's why I no longer write about my "feelings" and "emotions" and la la nyeh. But once I grab my stupid and self-indulgent leather journal with the gold spine, it's like I'm Bukowski, drunk as fuck, writing my thoughts as they flow and trying to find a prose along the way. And I wait days to read it again to decide whether it's good or not. I like the pieces of paper that I hide from myself with some words strung together. When I find them, I usually surprise myself. I always seem like a different person to me. When I read my own words, I use a different voice for myself in my head. I always become a stranger to myself.

Sometimes I make the excuse that I no longer write stuff here because I've made it too public. I shared too much. Exposed myself too much. Posted too many pictures. Refused to make a Tumblr for photo blogging purposes because no thanks Tumblr. When really Blogspot just feels so private. But this has become such a public page for everyone to see. I make myself feel weird when I think about it that way. No excuses. I'm just being a geek, that simple.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Niles, Niles, Niles, and some hoodrat stuff

Some time in early June.

Credit: My nigga Kern

Let me tell you about my nigga Jordan. Jordan hella Dro doh. I think out of anyone I know, Jordan and I have the most similar music taste. I value this about our friendship. We could have the same exact opinion on a certain song, an entire album, the lead singer, the bassist, the drummer, the entire band and we usually and clearly see eye to eye. Yesterday we discussed how the bass was our favorite but we don't play cause we suck and we're gay. A really good bass line could easily win us over. Actually, it's not JUST that we have similar music taste, it's just that he has a really wide variety in taste when it comes to music. To summarize, Jordan has an exceptional taste in music, and I immensely value our similarities.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Last December

All I remember from last December was listening to Bon Iver's For Emma, Forever Ago album, obsessing over that, writing endless letters to Raemon Farin, driving around with Vaggy under the rain, listening to Bon Iver, laying around with Raemon Farin listening to Bon Iver, calling Raemon Farin just to tell him how in love I am with their music, driving to Vegas listening to Bon Iver, nights in Vegas listening to Bon Iver while my parents were out and about, and thinking about going home to Fremont to Raemon Farin and listening to some more of the album. I remember falling so madly and deeply for Raemon Farin and this album that the night we spent buying the vinyl for this album at Santana Row made my entire December. That was my December. I was a sad happy. Sad because the album was so beautiful it made me sad. And happy because the album was so beautiful it made me happy. I was sappy. So so sappy. OK, I need to sto

Bon Iver - Self-Titled album

I have already posted this, but now that it is a rainy summer, Bon Iver all of a sudden fits in with my summer. The instruments in this album are so strong. I love every song and the beauty it possesses. I never doubted if this album would disappoint me, just because I loved the first album so much that my expectations for the next one was beyond me. But hakuna matata, no disappointments.

I woke up today and immediately saw the sepia, cloudy gloom outside through the lines of my blinds and I knew it would rain. And I knew I'd play this album and I knew it would envelop me whole while it poured outside. I am sitting upright on my bed, my glasses making me think twice. It feels like they made this album specifically for me to listen to on this very day. Waking up hasn't been this perfect in quite some time but this album definitely perfects it. I feel as if I am obsessing over this album, but I cannot help it. This is beautiful. So beautiful that I want the rest of the world to know just how beautiful it is. If the rest of the world could even understand.

Right now, my life as I know it is at its prime. Thanks to this beautifully composed album.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Tay's Photo Booth

I was a statue. Objectified...

Taking Back Sunday's Self-Titled album

Will be released tomorrow. I was not even aware that they had a new album coming up. But either way, I am pleased. Taking Back Sunday will always be the childhood band that stays with me. They are my most consistent summer sound. I am not quite sure how I feel about this album just yet. We'll find out in some weeks.

"I kissed your forehead 1000 times."

I adore you. I adore everything about you.

Finally, Of Montreal, we are friends

More summery albums. I have been trying to find this album for the longest time. And now that it is with me, I don't have to youtube every song just to listen. Very coooool album. Very playful, I-love-the-Beatles kind of cooooool. So catchy (':

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Intimidate face

Blankets that smelled like pee

I woke up in a tent...

It was cold, it was wet, it smelled like duck pee, Mikal didn't recognize me so she uncomfortably slept next to me. I slept two hours and then awoke to the sound of lame 80's music and Mikal laughing at every single thing that has ever existed. Everybody hated the tent and everyone was getting on each other's case. Fuck tents. But it was to show support to Tami as she walked for the cancer relay. Anything for Tam.

My favorite face to make at my own camera

Here I am!


The sun is smoking

This guy is full of tricks

Hookah bubble and Lionel

A mama, a papa, a baby

Girls with the dragon tattoos. Or...

Some kind of powerful face.

ARCHIVE, FUCKERS (for Ace-like purposes)