Thursday, March 31, 2011

March 30, 2011

Marks as 2011's first really, REALLY, really good day with warm weather. I spent the day with Rae and Jamey, then Beg for Death and nonBabbies and Ace and Vag. And I went home to this punk ... And I just had to record that my heart hurtttt, physically hurt when the day was about to end. This warm weather... and being with my friends again, laughing endlessly.



Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Geocaching day, continued


Dro's favorite mucky swampy

One of the worst bestfriendships.. ever.

Always climbin'



Mak Drey

I fell asleep at hour before class. I woke up at 9:30, giving me 15minutes to get ready and get to class. I was late, of course. I had my first 'No time to brush my teeth, put on pants and a jacket, late day'. And I broke more than 10 traffic violations on the way to school I'm sure. I went 60+. Pissed off a few drivers. All for the stupid fucking test for a stupid fucking class I abhor.

My bed is my friend, my bed is my friend. It's 1:51pm and it's beautiful outside. But if I don't nap, I think I'll throw up. It's Tuesday, the day won't be over until 10...

"Vicky had no tolerance for pain and no lust for combat. She was grounded and realistic. Her requirements in a man were seriousness and stability. She had become engaged to Doug because he was decent and successful and understood the beauty of commitment. Cristina, on the other hand, expected something very different out of love. She had reluctantly accepted suffering as an inevitable component of deep passion and was resigned to putting her feelings at risk. If you asked her what it was she was gambling her emotions on to win, she would not have been able to say. She knew what she didn't want however, and that was exactly what Vicky valued above all else."
Vicky Cristina Barcelona

I liked this character introduction for the movie.

Stale smoke, stale oreo, stale thoughts

It's 4:46am and I decided to stay up all night. There's no point in fighting this urge to be awake. Sometimes I never want to sleep. Getting myself to fall asleep is such an effort I can barely commit to. But once I slip into sleep, it stays with me. And I lie there somewhere, anywhere, or here on my bed, dead as a rock. I really do hate it. The awful request to be a vampire is creeping it's way to me now. If I never sleep... I could only imagine how I would be an entirely different person. If I was given half of my life back, the other half that was asleep during the nights, I would be unrecognizable to myself now. But this is just my imagination.

My constant desire to write is futile to any success or even to a single execution at all. I sit here, then flop onto my belly, then tap my fingers here, browse there, and finally criticize myself for being so idle and driven only transiently. Then I give up as I always do and consider the fact that as long as I can't grasp how to put the truth together, then I can't write. I cannot fucking write. Like this here, for example, is one pitiful attempt. It's cheap because I'm whining. I'm just good at whining.

At this moment, I can't even dare brood about 'my future'. Which really, is all I ever do about 'my future'. No one's ever really going to know their future until the future is the present.. but is it possible to know THIS little? Maybe it's not 'my future' I'm so concerned about. Maybe it's the fact that I seldom know myself. And why is that? Because I've spent years trying to cover up my little secrets and my little feelings and everyone else' stupid little affairs with me. But you know, what's comforting about this is that... I'm certainly not the only one so twisted up. I can't possibly be the only one who finds it hard to sleep at night because of ...aha, life's entanglements.
Everyone is everyone.

"And while you wait for you luck to change All you can think of is where you started."


I felt very restless posting so many pictures from today. I didn't even get to finish. I decided that homework should finally steal my time for tonight. And so here I am... giving my homework 30% of my attention. I cannot focus and I do not want to focus. I'll give myself until 3am, and then I'll go to bed. Test tomorrow.

A few thoughts...
  • A home-cooked meal can always fix the ripped edges inside me. I don't know why I never acknowledged this before.
  • I want to go to museums. Really, really badly.
  • Where's my coffee?
  • The arrangement of my bed changes everything. Everything.
  • Oh, here's my coffee. 1:25am. Sleep is for the weak.
  • This is good coffee.
  • ~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Monday, March 28, 2011

Early homosapien fossil - Andrey

ARCHIVE, FUCKERS (for Ace-like purposes)