Friday, November 22, 2013

bet it stung

it must've stung.

Sunday, November 17, 2013


For Halloween, my buddies and I attended a party in some storage unit. I dressed up as Duke from Fear and Loathing. Aiz was Black Eyed Peas. Jaws was Marshall Lee from Adventure Time. Jacon was a cowboy (whose hat was eaten by his horse). Jul was the masked bandit. And Vagger was Tom Cruise in Risky Business. All our costumes were quite simple and were easily executed. Except for Vag. She went out of her way to buy tube socks. And when she came home, her first instinct was to place something inside the socks (ie flats, flip flops) to give the effect that she's only wearing socks without making her feet filthy. Mind the aforementioned fact that we were at some storage unit. It was a dark and sweaty and certainly filthy party, but my pals and I arrived whiskey-wasted when the lights were still on and people were sitting around. It was the kind of douchebagginess that only a killed bottle could manage. The bar there (it was hardly a bar, more like a pouring table) was serving shots for two dollars all night. Now when drunk, the taste in your mouth clouds to an unidentifiable recklessness. The six of us took turns screaming "shots in five minutes!" after we'd just taken a shot less than three minutes ago. This part I state without exaggeration. It's almost as if we were chanting "shots in five minutes!" The blur hit all us at different times, but it certainly all hit us. It began with the bathroom breaks. The girls would gather and crawl towards the restroom where we always found ourselves taking shameless pictures. I, for one, have such a collection of piss pictures. Me wiping. Me with my piss face. In the bathroom is where Vagger exposed her puke-made tube socks. As you may notice in the photo, her flip flops both gave her feet a platform and prevented the dirt from absorbing into her feet. 
After the bathroom breaks, we'd take another shot, and I always found myself disappearing for a smoke (eventually I just smoked inside the storage unit). Every time I walked back inside the unit, I was more drunk than the minute before, and it seemed to me that the place was mutating. The sitters were on their feet. The place gained a crowd. My pals were scattered doing our thing. We would reunite every once in a while to scream "shots in five minutes" then disperse to fuck with the masked crowd. And we fucked with everyone. When one of us notices that one of us was excelling at a troll, we'd immediately join in for a double team. For an overkill of trolliness. One guy, I remember specifically, fought within himself to be as patient as he mortally can while we pestered with incessant and infuriating questions. Anyway, my blur came after the twelfth or whatever shot. It came fast and it came hard. They told me the lights went off eventually and the music turned up. They told me I didn't leave the dance floor for quite some time and all I was screaming was "turn the music up." I can't recall my pals. I disappeared from the photos. The next conscious thing I can recall was waking up in my bed with an enormous trash bag beside me. As I mentioned, I lost my wristwatch. And I also lost half of what I was wearing. I mean my costume. Don't be so dirty. The next morning, Vag and Jul and I reviewed what happened during the night. 
-Jaws and Jacon frittered away their money buying us shots. 
-There was a girl with the same costume as Vag. Aiz said they'd either be best friends at the party, or they'd chunk it. The girl twerked on Vagger. So. 
-Someone gave me a twenty and I began to take solo dolo shots.
-Jaws went under the beer pong table and announced himself a troll. 
-Vag and Jul were side by side throwing up in the parking lot. 
-Aiz and Cody made out on top of their vomit because the rule of the night was, if anyone can guess her costume, she'd make out with them. 
-I lost my wristwatch.
-I ran out of the storage unit and onto the streets, screaming at the top of my lungs, looking for the cops. The younger sister of the host told me she had to chase me down and bring me back to shelter.
-Vagger allegedly lost her phone and everyone went completely out of their way crawling from the parking lot to the storage unit looking for it. But really, she had it in her hand the entire time. 
-Jacon drove deliriously drunk. 
-We were dead in the back. 
-Jacon had to carry me inside my house.
-Vagger and Jul threw up on our lawn.
-I placed an ordered of two sunny-side eggs and sausages to Aiz, demanding it. She kindly made me food, and I knocked out to oblivion. 

That morning we found Vagger's socks in the living room. It smelled like Satan's sphincter. It looked like Satan's sphincter. And she refused to clean it up. Later, she mustered all her courage, picked up the socks with a plastic bag, and chased us around the house with them. 

This is the story of shamelessness, triumph, whiskey, and post-regretful shame. 


Hey Ace, when are you ditching Paris again? Tryna fsu. Also no whatsapp. Gayboy, am I right? Alright.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Birthday black out

One morning and several days after my birthday, Mak found photos of us in her phone that neither of us could recall. By photos I mean selfies. By selfies I mean the kind we never take together. Cheers to my favorite person in the world for blacking out with me.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

stop touching yourself you fucking faggot

i'd just had lunch after debating whether or not i should have lunch. it was dreadful, if you must know (which you mustn't). why do i even cook. i made coffee. too black and too hot. my stomach is churning. there's a bad taste in my mouth. 

there's a bad taste in my mouth.

there's a bad taste in my

there's a bad taste in

there's a bad taste

there's a bad 

there's a 


Sunday, November 10, 2013

wasted weekday

Jaws, Eyes, Delaghetto, and I have been spending our Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays getting hammered and getting very lost in the sauce. Not the weekends though. We don't like each other that much. Except for that one storage unit party. That one was just literally the most insane FSU we've done. It involved a lot of shots, a lot of cigarettes, a lot of puke, a lot of getting down, a lot of screaming at the dj, a lot of wall sits, a lot of piss, a lot of suicidally running down the street looking for cops, a lot of rude conversations with strangers, and a lot of blacked out faggots aka us because we all died. But I digress. It's been nice with these turds. We get separation anxiety, and we all say very gay, very soft serve things to each other. It's nice.

Friday, November 8, 2013

good job at trying

it's noon and i'll be late for work. my mother greeted me this morning with my responsibility towards my well-being. she told me i need to get a flu shot. it put me in a bad mood and i don't know why. which made me feel guilty because it's not her fault i hate myself. i'm typing on my laptop, which is a first as of lately. i only use my laptop to watch youtube videos of people that only partially entertain me. but i found that it entertains me more than netflix or watching any shows or movies. i haven't been too insane which is great. i wake up in the mornings which is great. i drink too much coffee and drink too much wine which are both great. probably. i'd been keeping a journal again which makes me feel both younger and more pathetic. i want to say i stopped chasing my youth, but i'm still not over it. at least in my mind. this weather makes me calm but also makes me sad, but really, i am always sad. i'd rather be calm, i guess. i miss hanging with ace because i'd been doing outrageous shit lately, and i usually do those with her. not really too outrageous because everything is boring. it's so funny to read old entries of mine or my friends' and notice how fucking sad shit has gotten. so funny that the only word i can use to describe it is sad. i overuse the word sad but it's the most succinct of all the words i can use. fucking SAD. it's hilarious how sad shit got. in fact, i'm hysterically laughing right now at how fucking SAD. is it ok to whine? it's probably more ok if i didn't keep acknowledging when i'm whining. my bitching is my bitch and i'm its bitch and we function like a unit, drunk or sober. it's you and me, bitching. i'll be late for work today and i don't even give a fuck. i should quit soon so i can stop being pathetic there and be pathetic somewhere else. i won't get a flu shot, but i'll tell my mother i did just to ease her mind. it's alright. i can take it. i can take being sick. sick of me. sick of you. sick of this. let me be sad. i don't want to be happy. even happy seems fucking stupid. let me be sad. i don't want to be happy. happy seems stupid. when did i become like this. 

inner demon outer baby

I have exceptional manners and a filthy diction.

Oh I think they like me.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

red-faced scatter brain

I always forget how terrified of birds I am until I encounter them. This morning, I arrived at work to find a brood of turkeys attempting to cross the street as I was pulling up to park. Four hideous abominations blocked my way. I had to wait till they gathered to one side of the street. I thought, these bastards are ugly and stupid. When I finally parked, I was too afraid to step out of my car. Entirely paranoid by literally any moving creature, I opened my door and jumped at the sight of a cat across the street from me. Incidentally, we both jumped at the sight of each other. And I thought maybe he saw the turkeys and was also instilled with the same fear I was suffering from. The cat and I, in that moment, were one and the same. But still, after we pissed ourselves, I slammed my door and listened to my heart beat out of my ears. My head swiveled to my surroundings, snapping my neck. For the love of Satan, I nearly prayed for my life because I pathetically dreaded stepping out of my car. Bravely, I mustered all my courage (while steadying my shaking knees) and opened my door. I bit my jaw down, still swiveling, and ran towards the door. I fumbled with the keys because their backyard is a forrest floor on its own, and I was afraid that another flock would be waiting for my by the door. I finally unlocked it, but for once in all my shifts, the chain was locked. So I knocked. With failed composure, I knocked frantically while my eyes darted to anything that moved. Coincidentally, four squirrels were playing with each other by the pool. Slightly pissed myself. Just slightly. I was much relieved it was just the squirrels. Justin unlocked the door for me, then I rushed inside, hyperventilating from the crap of terror that struck all my nerves.

The bastards. I am most hopelessly petrified when they're around. This irrational, stupid fear almost made me late for work. God damn.

Friday, November 1, 2013


I miss my wristwatch and all the other shit that I have lost because too drunk to live.

ARCHIVE, FUCKERS (for Ace-like purposes)