Friday, September 23, 2016

lights out

The last time Ace was home, we went out to the drive-ins and I passed out after 3 shots of tequila. I pass out everywhere all the time now. 

9-5's are no joke. I haven't had a gratefulness for Friday since I was in high school. Thank fucking fuck it's Friday. 

Not in a thousand years would I have imagined myself working for a corporate law firm. Didn't I insist on bartending just 6 months ago? Marriott was a joke. I got so bored that I drank myself out of there. Now I can barely drink. 

It's 25 this year. 

It's 25 in less than a month. 

My days consist of sitting in traffic for a total of 3 hours a day. Then sitting in front of a computer and internalizing the dreadful stresses of reception for a total of 8 hours. Coming home to 7 wiggly pups and their piss and their shit and their stinkinly beautiful faces. Having dinner with Abb and having fights with Abb and spending money with Abb and making love to Abb. By 10pm, my eyes are fighting to stay open. By 10:30, lights are out. Repeat. 

I'd say that this is tedious and stiff. But I don't have so much of a complain. The structure feels nice for once. I'd always thought that I'd hate doing this. Working for the man. Doing 9-5, TGIF. But I have my weekends back. And I can afford giving myself, my girlfriend, and my dogs a life. And even if the drudgery of mundane weekdays kind of poke at me sometimes, life feels better now than it has in the last decade. Or even  the last 2 decades and then some. 

25 so soon. 

I heard that 25 is when you're supposed to be at your most beautiful. I don't know who said that shit, but I hear it all the time. I can't say whether I agree or not. Because I'm stuffed with 15 pounds of happyfat and my ass out here for the world to finally see. All I know is that I find myself saying that I have reached a point in my life where I am confident to a fault. In all honesty, in comparison to how I used to polish myself before, I kind of look like shit now. I care less and less about the little details of my appearance and more about my exact state of mind. My self-esteem has risen taller than I thought I could reach. And maybe that's what it means to be at your most beautiful. Because at this very moment, I feel untouchable. I'm my own goddamn hypeman and I'm my own goddamn heaven. 

and the pups
and the perks 
and the pisses of life have all found an equilibrium. 

I used to tell people to watch ya girl shine cause i'ma shine one day. 


ARCHIVE, FUCKERS (for Ace-like purposes)