Sunday, January 31, 2010

I the Moon

Once I was calm and no longer over-excitedly breathing heavy, I caught my breath and called Ian and told him about the moon. I asked him to take pictures of it for me. But... cameras just can't do, you know? It's yellow tonight. Yellow and low. And it made up for the drudges of the past week.

RV and I were outside frantically looking for the moon. It was so low that it took us days to find it. I kept saying, "OH! I found it! Found it! Awhh it's just a street light." But we finally found it, and we literally jumping up and down in excitement. We were spazzing in the streets outside.

Such a good night.
I'm standing outside my house, pantless might I add, staring at the moon lower than I've ever seen it.
"Your name is on everything you do, well, so is mine."

-Elephants As Big As Whales

Old Photobucket; JesseClassic

So, the Vag signed on her old photobucket account and we were smacked in the face with the past! She has more pictures than me, way more memories documented, but I have some pretty cute ones too. I share!

Aiza's birthday. THIS IS SO CUTE. Our littlebaby relationships. SO CUTE.

Could not stop laughing. Aiza and I called these the Korean drama pictures.

Well aren't we all cute? LOL, look it's Guia AHA.

This wasn't even Freshman. This was 8th grade! Back when I lived in her house everyday after school.

FUCKTHIS, MY HAIR WAS SO LONG/: And I didn't straighten and..SIGH.

One of my favorite pictures. Lelley's birthday. Kim and Fernan. I was their thirdwheel and I loved every minute of it.

CHARMING BEAR!!!!!!!! Enough said, he was my happy charm. I kept him in my lunch box. And now I can't find him.

Back when our favorite store together was Urban Outfitters, "OOOH THE MYSTERY!" Aiza made me guess where this picture was taken, and HOW WAS I SUPPOSE TO FIGURE IT OUT?!

All time favorite picture though. We loved SF together!

This wasn't toooo long ago. Remember my spikes? -__-'

Last day of 8th grade. Ryan, Alaina, Aiza, Ange.

DEAD SILENCE! Ace a downass nigga.

Ace Kakashi!

HOUSE PARTY! Gooooood night.

Always my favorites; Ry and Ferna on Ry's roof.

"Tats my bessfran ^-^" -That's how I used to introduce her to people. HELLA CUTE

Back when her house was my second home.

Back when my house was everyone's second home.

I'd share more, but I'm too lazy. Now wasn't that enjoyable?[: Reminds me of how great my life has been through out.

With Isabella

Two years ago, my family and I randomly came by to my relatives' house.

We walked in to my aunt teaching my cousin the alphabet and some words.

She was asking little Isabella what rhymed with the word "bat."

Isabella: A hat? Uhhh.!

Aunt: What else rhymes with bat?

Isabella: Uhh..another bat?

Cute laughter!
Just a few minutes ago, Isabella and I were play-fighting. Her mom came in the room and saw us playing so she decided to hold my head down, putting her weight on me. Isabella started screaming!

Isabella: Get off her!! GET OFF HER! Get off her or I'll punch your glasses out!

Cute laughter!

Aha just saying... cute and funny moments.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Misc. Fact

55. I like being called "tiger" or "sport" or "champ". Like what a father would call their son. Don't know why... u_u

Hi James Franco. What..whatcha doin' there? You tuggin' on your shirt there? Tuggin' on your shirt? Yeah, you tug on your shirt James Franco.

Songs About Best Friends

Maybe a year ago, an old best friend of mine told me that this song reminded me of her. I digested what she was trying to tell me through the song, and I definitely got the message. And this song makes me think again.

"...cause you left the frays from the ties you severed when you say best friends means friends forever."

And I just learned that in response to that song, is this Taking Back Sunday song. I was listening to it, and either I'm getting more confused or everything's making more sense.

"Best friends means I pulled the trigger, best friends means you get what you deserve."


Tom and Summer as Sid and Nancy

The GetYourShitTogether Scene


Probably Really Wrong But...

Jesus and I love sandwiches.


I hate the mornings when I wake up with the same thoughts I slept with. It's like sleeping consciously and forced to rethink the things I clearly don't want to think about.

I keep pushing towards the things that could make me feel better. Songs that are good to me. Movies that are good to me. Thoughts and memories that are good to me. But I'm just feeling a little bit unstable.

Things will settle and I'll find myself to be perfectly fine again. Just this part is rocky. And the week has been dreadful. I lost control. But things always have to fall apart to fall together again.

It's comforting knowing that I know that I'll be fine. It makes me realize just how much I've grown up when it comes to managing and coping with situations. But then again maybe I've just become really passive. I don't know if that's a good thing, when it comes to my well-being. Passive--not indifferent. I'm saying I care, just not enough. Is that true?

I'm thinking too much again. 500 is on in the living room; a movie that's good to me. And the rest of the day will be good.


I drew this for Art... oil pastels!

Friday, January 29, 2010

"Would you like us to wave off every battle?"

-Dance Gavin Dance, Caviar.

Such a good song, always.

Just, What The Fuck, You Know?

I'm so aggravated, I can't even grasp it. And rarely am I ever really aggravated anymore. It's just this gnawing feeling where two ends tug at you.

I need to re-prioritize my life before I get any deeper into shits. I think I've taken a lot and there's just no sense in talking. It's not a verbal thing anymore. I want to put my foot down.

And it's such a slap in the face, every single time. I just shrug it off most of the time, but I can't do that anymore. I don't need anything or anyone pulling me down. I like to live striving for happiness, because even if it's unattainable sometimes, at least I know that I'm living.

Fuck this, you know? I've got so much ahead of me and the patience has been sucked away from me. I can't. It's unbearable now. Before my feelings just stung me, but now. Now, I'm leaning towards bitter.

What we don't realize sometimes is that we have responsibilities and everything has a consequence in life. I don't care how many times it's said, Life isn't fair, OK? Pain and bad things exist so that happiness can too. Learn to accept it. It's just easier this way.

In the mean time, I'm going to worry about myself. And my life. I'm starting to waste time, and I'm not about to fucking do that.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

What I Did Tonight

Adventures with my glasses!

These are my glasses, I've had them since Freshman year.

These are my glasses with this stuffed doggy named Ciara

Glasses with stuffed bear named Puppybear, I think

I thought this was Stumbo. His name is not Stumbo.

Her feet say "forever young". Her feet look smart.

Megan Fox, you look smart.

My Inglourious Glasses

Lamp with a British accent.

Big Brother, becoming a dad.

Papaya refusing to wear contacts only likes glasses.

He is happy when he can see clearly.

The bathroom owl will give you advice.

Even trash cans want 20/20 vision.

Flowers that sing Weezer songs for you.

A French mummy

He likes it when you call him Big Papa.

I'm 34% more powerful when I wear them.

Always have a nice day folks!


I always like the moment when I realize that someone is beautiful. Not about their physical appearance or how they dress. Just realizing, that this person is beautiful.

And it's not even always someone who I already love, or someone close and significant to me. Just someone that I've had a peck of time to recognize and acknowledge. Some make it harder to see, but when you find it, you'll see.

I won't find everyone beautiful. But maybe there's beauty in everyone, you know?

"Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again."


54. I ache for a puppy. But if we get a house puppy, I'd rather it be a pug than a French Bulldog. When I move out, I know a wouldn't be able to take the puppy with me. And if it's a French Bulldog, I just wouldn't be able to bare that. I'll have a puppy of my own when I'm completely independent.


Last night, I fell asleep thinking about my French class. I'm just so excited, I can't wait to start learning new things again. I've really never enjoyed a class so much before. And not in the leisurely type of enjoyment either. I am just so fond of speaking French.

I remember near the end of French 1, the class did this game and we had to share something to the class by throwing a bean bag of some sort around. And I said, "I wake up in the morning thinking about this class..." Of course a scattering of awkward laughter, but really. Francais est mon favori, toujours.

I fixed my whole schedule today. I couldn't relax yesterday knowing that I wasn't happy, but now I'm happy. And I've never taken an honors class before but now I am. Ian said it wasn't difficult, so I trust him. And because I really wanted to have English first period and French 3 second so that I have a class with Snow, aha.

Well, like I said, I am ecstatic.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Adrian Del Fierro

It's been months and I still have butterflies in my stomach when I first see him.

I sound like a little faggy girl but I just have to get this out of my system.

Never had this before.

Where Does The Good Go?

Early 12am this morning, I woke up to a text from my best friend. Immediately, I called her.

Voice a sputtering rasp, I said hello and she said her quiet hello, same as always. I can't be sure what I said to make her feel better, but I think I remotely helped. And she said something good to me. Something really good. And I can't remember anything else because I was borderline sleep and conscious.

Well, I love my best friend. Just saying.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

O Wilde

Hello beautiful.

Are those sunflowers? Oh my. My favorite.


Dear anyone,

I think I've come across my first regret. I've made mistakes before. And I've mucked up things before, but I can now say that this is a regret.

I didn't mean for things to end this way. I'm regretful for not putting the truth out there before it all got worse. I'm regretful for not staying away, or doing anything at all. I'm regretful for hurting her and for hurting the person I love most. I am regretful. And now I've lost my best friend.

And I'm apologetic. With the way everything came about, I would take it back in a heart beat. I would change it back. And it wouldn't be like this. But it is. And I'm facing consequences. Anything that happens, I'll know deep down that I'm responsible for what I'd done. And I accept it. I was stupid... and I am deeply sorry.

Once I finish up all of my apologies, forgiven or not, I'm moving on from this. I'm not going to stick around for the aftermath and chitchat about the angst of the situation. I'm going to simply and quietly ...move on from this.

To my best friend, I'll miss you.

To my friend, If I could take it back, I would. And I'm sorry.

To my love, I don't want to hurt you... ever again.


Monday, January 25, 2010

I'll cry as much as I want to tonight.
I'm literally so sick to my stomach that I can throw up.

ARCHIVE, FUCKERS (for Ace-like purposes)