Twice

I spilled my wine twice tonight. After just writing about always spilling, I spilled AGAIN. Right after my talk with my father.

I AM AN IDIOT PLEASE TAKE MY LIFE.

Hey Rico

My father and I crossed paths in the hallway outside of my room earlier. He was drunk and so was I. He held his cup taking sips in between our conversation about my future. I hung on to the pull up bar hanging at the treshold of our laundry room as he drank and talked, acting like I wasn't as drunk as he was. We played our parts well. He was serious and lend me what should be his sober advice and I nodded and agreed the way I would if the wine hadn't found me. I am just like my father. All I hope for is to never earn a beer belly the way he has. Otherwise, I'd gladly and honorably be just like him

Red

I spill every wine night. I'd place my wine on my record player then be drunk and tip my glass over. I have to wipe red shit off...every single time. I haven't learned my lesson because I don't like lessons and I like my wine better. I lit two candles to rid of the wine smell because the shit makes my room smell like sweet bread in the morning. I have an exam in the morning and I don't know how I'll manage to wake up in the morning but I'll manage. It's quiet again and I'm turning my blues into red because today was the end of an era and tomorrow I have to take an exam. I wish I can be a prick for the rest of my life but what's a prick if it's sentimental? I'm a sappy shit and that's ok. I'm magnificent and the world will know it.

I'll take a swig and a stoge, then fall asleep to awake to another era.

Cheers.

Creature in my gut

I awoke this morning
as the room spun and my head ached
My mouth was dry
but her ass was against my back
and everything was out of reach.
Through the blinds of the window
peeked the sun
and I saw gin in the sky
contained inside black hats
filled to the brim
She was in a ball
snoring a 5am snore
at nine thirty in the morning
with her ass against my back
and my life seemed out of reach
I awoke feeling nothing
then rolled over
to say goodbye to this thing
that gnaws at me.

FREE MY BRUH JSMKE

Talking to my blog

My granma's flight got cancelled today so she's pretty bummed not being on a plane right now to come home. We ended up driving to the airport just to have dinner. I guess I always like airports, even if I hate the stupid feeling it gives me when I'm there, or leaving there. I wasn't so sulky today because I had something to look forward to. I laid on a luggage cart while at the airport and pretended it was my bed. I nearly trippes this plump Indian lady because of my danger legs but I proceeded to lay on the cart anyway. Also, I think I finally thought of my fictional alter ego character name. Maybe. Not quite. Alright maybe I didn't but I was close. Ace visited me today and that was the highlight of my day. She went on destroying my kitchen one food item at a time. There are now Coco Puffs in the Froot Loops because she found out there wasn't any milk. We watched a movie with a sleazy Kat Dennings and I didn't even pay attention. Now I am sitting outside my house chainsmoking, as per usual. My body aches from laying on my floor because scumbags like me don't deserve to be sleeping on such a royal bed. It's cold and it's quiet and I want another cigarette.

So I think I'll have another now.

Here's to my mundane days!

Be still my love

Alright alright

I spilled wine all over my record player and now my room reeks of something funny even if I know it's wine. I've been a hermit lately because I'm bummed about living and I realized how little connections I have with people anymore. I cut off so many ties to the people I once called my friends and I now stare at my phone thinking of just how fucking bummed I am. I live in my hole and no one really bothers me because everyone is afraid of me. I try to write a lot. I try to read some. I chainsmoke like it's my last day to live and I borrow my father's alcohol to help me sleep at night. It never really helps though. I end up staying awake passed 7am every morning anyway. Life as I know it is a black hole of the sad blues. I've got the blues and it's all mine. All to myself. Alone in my hole of a room. I began talking to myself earlier after I had scarfed down two..TWO burgers from In N Out. I don't particularly like In N Out and I almost can never finish even one cheeseburger. But this sulker is an eater and I have a duty to eat. Anyway, I began talking to myself as I stared blankly at my TV when I realized that I haven't even heard my own voice in days. I havent had a conversation with anyone and my voice is a fucking alien. Right after I heard myself and startled myself with my foreign idea of a voice, I stopped and zipped my mouth shut. Because of...I don't know... Embarrassment. Shame? And the sad sad idea of how pitiful I am to myself? Fucking ridiculous. And so now I am laying awake in bed even less compelled to ever speak...maybe ever again. I don't even care how much of a fucking pooper I'm being. FUCKING POOPER. Life bums me out and I want no part of it.
Fuck me I hope no one will bother to read this.

What have I done

AH SHIT

Nights drunk and pissed off

Shit I'm Into

Sulking.
Self-pity.
Aggression.
Bitter shit.
Filthy mouth.
My bed.
Your bed.
Legs around me.

Post-Party Sunday Evening Feeling Kinda Shit

A is for

Angry.
Anxious.
And.
I don't know.

Dreams

In every single one? Please kill me.

Obsessions

I can't find anything. At first everything was a droning blur. Then a moment of clarity. But now it's just black. And I can't see shit.

Fo Ma Buddy Mikal

Hella happy birthday

Here's ma face, the best present I could give anyone.