For Halloween, my buddies and I attended a party in some storage unit. I dressed up as Duke from Fear and Loathing. Aiz was Black Eyed Peas. Jaws was Marshall Lee from Adventure Time. Jacon was a cowboy (whose hat was eaten by his horse). Jul was the masked bandit. And Vagger was Tom Cruise in Risky Business. All our costumes were quite simple and were easily executed. Except for Vag. She went out of her way to buy tube socks. And when she came home, her first instinct was to place something inside the socks (ie flats, flip flops) to give the effect that she's only wearing socks without making her feet filthy. Mind the aforementioned fact that we were at some storage unit. It was a dark and sweaty and certainly filthy party, but my pals and I arrived whiskey-wasted when the lights were still on and people were sitting around. It was the kind of douchebagginess that only a killed bottle could manage. The bar there (it was hardly a bar, more like a pouring table) was serving shots for two dollars all night. Now when drunk, the taste in your mouth clouds to an unidentifiable recklessness. The six of us took turns screaming "shots in five minutes!" after we'd just taken a shot less than three minutes ago. This part I state without exaggeration. It's almost as if we were chanting "shots in five minutes!" The blur hit all us at different times, but it certainly all hit us. It began with the bathroom breaks. The girls would gather and crawl towards the restroom where we always found ourselves taking shameless pictures. I, for one, have such a collection of piss pictures. Me wiping. Me with my piss face. In the bathroom is where Vagger exposed her puke-made tube socks. As you may notice in the photo, her flip flops both gave her feet a platform and prevented the dirt from absorbing into her feet. 
After the bathroom breaks, we'd take another shot, and I always found myself disappearing for a smoke (eventually I just smoked inside the storage unit). Every time I walked back inside the unit, I was more drunk than the minute before, and it seemed to me that the place was mutating. The sitters were on their feet. The place gained a crowd. My pals were scattered doing our thing. We would reunite every once in a while to scream "shots in five minutes" then disperse to fuck with the masked crowd. And we fucked with everyone. When one of us notices that one of us was excelling at a troll, we'd immediately join in for a double team. For an overkill of trolliness. One guy, I remember specifically, fought within himself to be as patient as he mortally can while we pestered with incessant and infuriating questions. Anyway, my blur came after the twelfth or whatever shot. It came fast and it came hard. They told me the lights went off eventually and the music turned up. They told me I didn't leave the dance floor for quite some time and all I was screaming was "turn the music up." I can't recall my pals. I disappeared from the photos. The next conscious thing I can recall was waking up in my bed with an enormous trash bag beside me. As I mentioned, I lost my wristwatch. And I also lost half of what I was wearing. I mean my costume. Don't be so dirty. The next morning, Vag and Jul and I reviewed what happened during the night.
-Jaws and Jacon frittered away their money buying us shots.
-There was a girl with the same costume as Vag. Aiz said they'd either be best friends at the party, or they'd chunk it. The girl twerked on Vagger. So.
-Someone gave me a twenty and I began to take solo dolo shots.
-Jaws went under the beer pong table and announced himself a troll.
-Vag and Jul were side by side throwing up in the parking lot.
-Aiz and Cody made out on top of their vomit because the rule of the night was, if anyone can guess her costume, she'd make out with them.
-I lost my wristwatch.
-I ran out of the storage unit and onto the streets, screaming at the top of my lungs, looking for the cops. The younger sister of the host told me she had to chase me down and bring me back to shelter.
-Vagger allegedly lost her phone and everyone went completely out of their way crawling from the parking lot to the storage unit looking for it. But really, she had it in her hand the entire time.
-Jacon drove deliriously drunk.
-We were dead in the back.
-Jacon had to carry me inside my house.
-Vagger and Jul threw up on our lawn.
-I placed an ordered of two sunny-side eggs and sausages to Aiz, demanding it. She kindly made me food, and I knocked out to oblivion.
That morning we found Vagger's socks in the living room. It smelled like Satan's sphincter. It looked like Satan's sphincter. And she refused to clean it up. Later, she mustered all her courage, picked up the socks with a plastic bag, and chased us around the house with them.
This is the story of shamelessness, triumph, whiskey, and post-regretful shame.
