I the Moon

Once I was calm and no longer over-excitedly breathing heavy, I caught my breath and called Ian and told him about the moon. I asked him to take pictures of it for me. But... cameras just can't do, you know? It's yellow tonight. Yellow and low. And it made up for the drudges of the past week.

RV and I were outside frantically looking for the moon. It was so low that it took us days to find it. I kept saying, "OH! I found it! Found it! Awhh it's just a street light." But we finally found it, and we literally jumping up and down in excitement. We were spazzing in the streets outside.

Such a good night.

I'm standing outside my house, pantless might I add, staring at the moon lower than I've ever seen it.

"Your name is on everything you do, well, so is mine."

-Elephants As Big As Whales

With Isabella

Two years ago, my family and I randomly came by to my relatives' house.

We walked in to my aunt teaching my cousin the alphabet and some words.

She was asking little Isabella what rhymed with the word "bat."

Isabella: A hat? Uhhh. A...cat!

Aunt: What else rhymes with bat?

Isabella: Uhh..another bat?

Cute laughter!
-

Just a few minutes ago, Isabella and I were play-fighting. Her mom came in the room and saw us playing so she decided to hold my head down, putting her weight on me. Isabella started screaming!

Isabella: Get off her!! GET OFF HER! Get off her or I'll punch your glasses out!

Cute laughter!

Aha just saying... cute and funny moments.

Misc. Fact

55. I like being called "tiger" or "sport" or "champ". Like what a father would call their son. Don't know why... u_u

Hi James Franco. What..whatcha doin' there? You tuggin' on your shirt there? Tuggin' on your shirt? Yeah, you tug on your shirt James Franco.

Songs About Best Friends

Maybe a year ago, an old best friend of mine told me that this song reminded me of her. I digested what she was trying to tell me through the song, and I definitely got the message. And this song makes me think again.

"...cause you left the frays from the ties you severed when you say best friends means friends forever."

And I just learned that in response to that song, is this Taking Back Sunday song. I was listening to it, and either I'm getting more confused or everything's making more sense.

"Best friends means I pulled the trigger, best friends means you get what you deserve."

Yesterday

Tom and Summer as Sid and Nancy

The GetYourShitTogether Scene

HAI.

Probably Really Wrong But...

Jesus and I love sandwiches.

Mornings

I hate the mornings when I wake up with the same thoughts I slept with. It's like sleeping consciously and forced to rethink the things I clearly don't want to think about.

I keep pushing towards the things that could make me feel better. Songs that are good to me. Movies that are good to me. Thoughts and memories that are good to me. But I'm just feeling a little bit unstable.

Things will settle and I'll find myself to be perfectly fine again. Just this part is rocky. And the week has been dreadful. I lost control. But things always have to fall apart to fall together again.

It's comforting knowing that I know that I'll be fine. It makes me realize just how much I've grown up when it comes to managing and coping with situations. But then again maybe I've just become really passive. I don't know if that's a good thing, when it comes to my well-being. Passive--not indifferent. I'm saying I care, just not enough. Is that true?

I'm thinking too much again. 500 is on in the living room; a movie that's good to me. And the rest of the day will be good.

Willows

I drew this for Art... oil pastels!

"Would you like us to wave off every battle?"

-Dance Gavin Dance, Caviar.

Such a good song, always.

Just, What The Fuck, You Know?

I'm so aggravated, I can't even grasp it. And rarely am I ever really aggravated anymore. It's just this gnawing feeling where two ends tug at you.

I need to re-prioritize my life before I get any deeper into shits. I think I've taken a lot and there's just no sense in talking. It's not a verbal thing anymore. I want to put my foot down.

And it's such a slap in the face, every single time. I just shrug it off most of the time, but I can't do that anymore. I don't need anything or anyone pulling me down. I like to live striving for happiness, because even if it's unattainable sometimes, at least I know that I'm living.

Fuck this, you know? I've got so much ahead of me and the patience has been sucked away from me. I can't. It's unbearable now. Before my feelings just stung me, but now. Now, I'm leaning towards bitter.

What we don't realize sometimes is that we have responsibilities and everything has a consequence in life. I don't care how many times it's said, Life isn't fair, OK? Pain and bad things exist so that happiness can too. Learn to accept it. It's just easier this way.

In the mean time, I'm going to worry about myself. And my life. I'm starting to waste time, and I'm not about to fucking do that.

What I Did Tonight

Adventures with my glasses!

These are my glasses, I've had them since Freshman year.

These are my glasses with this stuffed doggy named Ciara

Glasses with stuffed bear named Puppybear, I think


I thought this was Stumbo. His name is not Stumbo.


Her feet say "forever young". Her feet look smart.


Megan Fox, you look smart.


My Inglourious Glasses


Lamp with a British accent.


Big Brother, becoming a dad.


Papaya refusing to wear contacts only likes glasses.


He is happy when he can see clearly.


The bathroom owl will give you advice.


Even trash cans want 20/20 vision.


Flowers that sing Weezer songs for you.


A French mummy


He likes it when you call him Big Papa.


I'm 34% more powerful when I wear them.

Always have a nice day folks!

Oh HEY

I always like the moment when I realize that someone is beautiful. Not about their physical appearance or how they dress. Just realizing, that this person is beautiful.

And it's not even always someone who I already love, or someone close and significant to me. Just someone that I've had a peck of time to recognize and acknowledge. Some make it harder to see, but when you find it, you'll see.

I won't find everyone beautiful. But maybe there's beauty in everyone, you know?

"Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am whole again."

A M F

54. I ache for a puppy. But if we get a house puppy, I'd rather it be a pug than a French Bulldog. When I move out, I know a wouldn't be able to take the puppy with me. And if it's a French Bulldog, I just wouldn't be able to bare that. I'll have a puppy of my own when I'm completely independent.

Ecstatic

Last night, I fell asleep thinking about my French class. I'm just so excited, I can't wait to start learning new things again. I've really never enjoyed a class so much before. And not in the leisurely type of enjoyment either. I am just so fond of speaking French.

I remember near the end of French 1, the class did this game and we had to share something to the class by throwing a bean bag of some sort around. And I said, "I wake up in the morning thinking about this class..." Of course a scattering of awkward laughter, but really. Francais est mon favori, toujours.

I fixed my whole schedule today. I couldn't relax yesterday knowing that I wasn't happy, but now I'm happy. And I've never taken an honors class before but now I am. Ian said it wasn't difficult, so I trust him. And because I really wanted to have English first period and French 3 second so that I have a class with Snow, aha.

Well, like I said, I am ecstatic.

Adrian Del Fierro

It's been months and I still have butterflies in my stomach when I first see him.

I sound like a little faggy girl but I just have to get this out of my system.

Never had this before.

Where Does The Good Go?

Early 12am this morning, I woke up to a text from my best friend. Immediately, I called her.

Voice a sputtering rasp, I said hello and she said her quiet hello, same as always. I can't be sure what I said to make her feel better, but I think I remotely helped. And she said something good to me. Something really good. And I can't remember anything else because I was borderline sleep and conscious.

Well, I love my best friend. Just saying.

O Wilde

Hello beautiful.

Are those sunflowers? Oh my. My favorite.

Hysteria

Dear anyone,

I think I've come across my first regret. I've made mistakes before. And I've mucked up things before, but I can now say that this is a regret.

I didn't mean for things to end this way. I'm regretful for not putting the truth out there before it all got worse. I'm regretful for not staying away, or doing anything at all. I'm regretful for hurting her and for hurting the person I love most. I am regretful. And now I've lost my best friend.

And I'm apologetic. With the way everything came about, I would take it back in a heart beat. I would change it back. And it wouldn't be like this. But it is. And I'm facing consequences. Anything that happens, I'll know deep down that I'm responsible for what I'd done. And I accept it. I was stupid... and I am deeply sorry.

Once I finish up all of my apologies, forgiven or not, I'm moving on from this. I'm not going to stick around for the aftermath and chitchat about the angst of the situation. I'm going to simply and quietly ...move on from this.

To my best friend, I'll miss you.

To my friend, If I could take it back, I would. And I'm sorry.

To my love, I don't want to hurt you... ever again.

W.

I'll cry as much as I want to tonight.

I'm literally so sick to my stomach that I can throw up.

Andrea Wong

She's terrific.

Such A Great Scene

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rMph8HzcDE

Firepit Nights...

Snow: ONE MORE TIME!
Fox: What? Are you guys eating vegetables?
Ange dies.
Fox: What'd you make her eat, broccoli?

Tay: "Oh no I'm Angie"
Makay: "Too much soap, too much soap"
*The finger"
Ange: "Dad's gonna see this video!
...And I'll get shit for it..."

STOP IT ANGE.

Wingmen

Nicole sandwich. Jersey and Tyler. The best.

Hello Jake, Penelope, Rodrigo, Phillip, Zachary. WE ARE.. MUNCHAUSEN BY PROXY!

The internet is down.

Nights like this... Nights that I've been getting lately... Nights that give me anxiety attacks and make my heart sink to my cold, wooden floors... Nights that for some horrid reason, I just can't shake... Nights that has me looking at my phone, dialing a number, and spilling out my sticky feelings...except I never get any further than staring at my phone...Because I don't have the strength to really talk to anybody. You know those nights?

I don't quite know how to vent or express this. My heart really just hurts.

Mood?

Moody.

Another Movie

I've seen the middle to end of this movie so many times already, but I have never watched the whole movie in one sitting. One of my faves.

Another movie?
The Other Boleyn Girl. Started watching when I woke up to Charlie tweeting all up in my ear, then saw that he crapped all over our pillows. He probably crapped all over Fox's head. But it's cool you guys, I cleaned it all up. Anyway, lazy rainy movie day.

Misc. Fact

52. Nicole Jeffery; down since the 5th grade. We can fade and not talk or see each other for months, maybe some years. But she'll always be that best friend.

53. I have been having nonstop dreams about Olivia Wilde. No, she's not even as amazing as Shannyn or all my other girlfriends. But DAAAYUUUUM.

Everyday We're Together, We Watch

Fox and Eeeeeeeeian

You suddenly complete me...

Kissing > Sex.

Melanie Laurent

Chief!

Look at what I came across! I remember I used to draw a bunch of 'raffes and pingwings[:

TOM HANSEN

Dress like Tom Hansen, STEAL MY HEART.

No, not Mr. Hansen. Our principal is an imbecile.

Secret Window

Yesterday I kept thinking about owning a cabin. It made my list

THE List:

1. I want my house. My white house with my big porch and white picket fence.

2. I want my cabin. In the woods! Near a lake..or a river. Some body of water. And a canoe. For winters and summers.

3. Live in France. I belong there. My heart belongs there, I can feel it.

My three, solid, long-term goals.

It's Been A Week

...since I've watched these two. I guess I've been busy. Jawshi lets out an exasperated sigh or just tells me to shut up every time I quote it. Because I've got it by heart. BY HEART.

Should I watch it tonight before bed...

"Outside there's a boxcar waiting"

ADRIAN REY DEL FIERRO

...miss you.

January 18, 2010

MY DAY:

RAINING.

JAWSHI
A DOZEN DONUTS, RANDOMIZED.
THE RING AND BLAIR WITCH PROJECT.
LUNCH.
PLAYING BARTENDER.
GENIUS MOMENT.
SECRET WINDOW.
THE NUMBER 23,
FELL ASLEEP.

LAZY DAY.

YES I AM YELLING.

Conor Oberst

..of Bright Eyes. Next to Jarrod Gorbel. Good musician.

"The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person."

Why can't this ever stop making sense?

F Word.

I had just spent the last...12 hours sleeping, eating, peeing, drinking, cooking, and listening to music. I turned off my phone 5 times. I put it on airplane mode 3 times. My parents are still not home. I didn't get to go bowling. I want to talk to someone about something, but I don't who would feel me. Heart to heart? Man that sounds gay. But I think that's what I want. My eyes are droopy.

I Used To Listen To This Song All The Time

Back from the Philippines feeling.

Birthday Weekend

This is my sweet little baby turning 17!

Gorgeous!

We had a few set backs, but I think her birthday was successful. She liked the cake that I frantically and nervously made, and so did everyone else! But mama's cake was still better than mine...

Hannah and Amy just made my new Favorite People List. I'm so happy they were there too.

In an attempt to watch Lovely Bones, yeah... we got pulled over at the parking lot. Biggest BS of Pleasanton. I thought it was because we we're raving in the car with our glowsticks. Nah, we ran a stop sign. Manladycop gave us a warning, luckily. But we bounced back from that too! Six people on a queen sized bed, while Carmen and RV were snoring downstairs.

Berkeley. Zebras; Snow is pierced. Fat Slice; Good pizzas, filthy restrooms.

I really love Taylor Ann Hoover-Hart.

_

Alex, finally 18! And I had to make a pitiful bloody speech, LAST MINUTE.

Ry's cactus head is blocking Dean's big head. Keke..

Ferna, Dean, Ry and I kept trying to bounce for an hour, and we packed three full bags of food..for an hour. We even took some drinks. Dean and I could've finished off the cake. I just had some for breakfast.

The guys always love Ange's house so after cockblocking Mikal and Yuri to borrow a few movies, we went to Ange's house! This is always a good movie. We tried finishing off the food that we took.

I woke up this morning to my father watching a documentary about hummingbirds and their sex lives.

Misc. Ange Fact

51. After my shower, I really prefer to air dry in the comfort of my room. I wish I had a lock on my door...

Ange and Fox's Infinite Playlist

At this very moment, I am chewing on gum that I've had since 9something in the morning, that's been passed down to me from Fox. Hella Nick and Norah's. CAROLINE!

And that... is my jellyfish.

Fuck Chem.

Thursdays Used To Be My Favorite

I think it might still be.

But I guess like all the days.

Today felt like Spring to Summer transition. I stood in the middle of the quad looking up at the sky, singing to Ian some Honorary Title songs and was wishing that he could sing along with me. So instead, he took me by the hand and danced with me at the quad until I needed to pee.

We walked so much today. And I couldn't stop raving about how I was only wearing a Tshirt and jeans and sneakers! Not even boots! I felt so free! Free from lumpy coats and stuff.

YEAH MIRROR PICTURES /: But look at him... loves me so!

"Babe, take a picture of Taylor Swift."
Me: -_-"

Ridiculous pajamas.
Ridiculous man.

When his father came home, we panicked and he popped out his window screen and told me to jump out. Incredulously, I looked out..."BABE THAT'S HELLA HIGH WHAT THE HELL."
Luckily a fat man wearing orange saw me outside and said, "Are you sneaking out?" I giggled a yes, and he caught me from the second floor roof.

NAKED TREES out Fox's backyard. Being out there makes me feel like I'm in Alaska all the time. I can't wait to have another firepit night.

Fox made a bow stencil. From now on, we are investing in Vnecks and spray paints. SO MUCH IDEAS. This one's for Ace.

This was my test run. A witto bird.

While cutting out stencils and looking at the words of Palahniuk, Fox and I watched Girl, Interrupted again. YUP, our movie!