And now I'm wondering how many times I've convinced myself that I've loved some...guy that I told myself I loved. When in reality, at the end of it all, the drama and the pain caused (usually caused by me..OK always by me) I forget 'em. They disappear from my life and I don't even take a second to ask where they'd gone. Because...it just doesn't matter to me.
If there was anything I'd really resent myself for, it would probably be the effort that I put into convincing myself, into convincing some guy, into convincing the rest of the world that I'm as in love as I claimed to be. I am certain, absolutely certain that if I've loved anyone I claimed to truly love...I am certain that I wouldn't have hurt them like I did. And afterward.. not gave a damn.
It's almost the end of summer and I'm sitting here, wondering where my relationships have taken me. And I can't recall a single relationship that I've given my all to. My absolute all. I think I've always given my all to the wrong people.
Not to get out of track. My point is, from now on...I will not allow myself to feel something that I have to convince myself to feel. So yes, basically I have lied about all my relationships. This is the conclusion that the summer has led me to. No matter how alone I feel, how easily my emotions could drift me away, I will not get carried away. I refuse to falsely love somebody, ever again. I've done it too many times, broken too many hearts. Enough is enough Ange.
Enough is enough!
If there was anything I'd really resent myself for, it would probably be the effort that I put into convincing myself, into convincing some guy, into convincing the rest of the world that I'm as in love as I claimed to be. I am certain, absolutely certain that if I've loved anyone I claimed to truly love...I am certain that I wouldn't have hurt them like I did. And afterward.. not gave a damn.
It's almost the end of summer and I'm sitting here, wondering where my relationships have taken me. And I can't recall a single relationship that I've given my all to. My absolute all. I think I've always given my all to the wrong people.
Not to get out of track. My point is, from now on...I will not allow myself to feel something that I have to convince myself to feel. So yes, basically I have lied about all my relationships. This is the conclusion that the summer has led me to. No matter how alone I feel, how easily my emotions could drift me away, I will not get carried away. I refuse to falsely love somebody, ever again. I've done it too many times, broken too many hearts. Enough is enough Ange.
Enough is enough!
