LOOK AT MY LITTLE BABY

Ange..wants..to longboard..

Fck.

My previous entry consists of soooo many grammatical errors. And I'm too lazy to correct them.

Today...

I don't why that ridiculous Spectrum of the Arts event put me in such a horrid mood, but it really had. I was crawling out of my skin by the time lunch came around.

And so, like I have every day this week, I left during lunch and also ditched fourth. Except this time, I didn't end up at my house, or someone else house. Instead, under the infuriating gloomy weather that couldn't make up its bloody mind, I walked myself to the Hub. I've never walked that much in solitude before. I enjoyed it, thoroughly.

I took myself on a little adventure. And I played around in my head. I also realized how much power one can have over people. Or how much you can manipulate, confuse, and play with their minds. It was...quite interesting.

At Target, I picked up my highly-anticipated, last 3 rolls of film. They were terrific. Disregarding the fact that Dean was eeeevveeerrrywhere, I really enjoyed looking through. I have pictures from... the second End of Summer Picnic. From some picnics last May. Hang-outs at my place. Tent picnics with my family. Firepit nights. And many, many more. A part of me wishes I'd taken my camera to BFD. But then another part screams FUCCCCCKK NOOOOOOO. This year, I'm contemplating again.

After Target, I sat myself inside Seattle's Best Coffee and ordered tea and drank out of a tall cup, ice filled to the brim.

I walked myself home then, because I saw the weather dragging and I didn't want to walk in the rain. But, as I got closer and closer, yes it began sprinkling. But in an enjoyable way. I came home and realized my feet earned some blisters. MEMORIES! I thought.

Home was quiet. So, I grabbed several boxes of cookies, cake, and brownie mixes and made loads of sweets. I only eight approximately 8 mini cupcakes, then I quit. I am a TERRIBLE baker. I mean honestly, I made the world's more terrible cookies today. I don't know how I'd managed that, but I did.

Then I watched a lovely film about a guy. Garden State. He meets a girl...epileptic and is a COMPULSIVE liar. Everything that came out of her mouth... if I watched it with Makayla, she would've said...YOU DO THAT. In an either giggling or scolding way. I always prefer giggly. I cringe when she scolds. She never realizes to sometimes tone down. That's beside anything.

Anyway. After Garden State, I began picturing up my walls again. I got confused along the way. The patterns... the way they're so...sporadic and spontaneous... I didn't know how to continue every time I'd finish a set. I'm sure it'll all turn out lovely in the end.

But in anyway.., since I've been under the weather...just like the weather has... taking the time off today to spend some time by myself, thinking, calming down... breathing at Seattle's...which always helps my pensive days.. Well.. I'd just like to say that I feel much better and am positively hoping that tomorrow and the rest of my weekend be a brilliant one.

I can't afford wasting days feeling low. It's stupid. I like happiness. So I'll go and get it.

The end.

Sorry for the length. I just need to type is all :D

Making progress!

Day 1 of picture wall


Day 2 of pictured wall

And here we have the other wall

Blame it on the weather?

But I ...am a mess!

I see you in everyone.

Hi, we're here to take you away

Finalement

BUGGER. I look shit. Fck the front bangs :D

But this one's for Makayla. Lookatchu babes, you're my constant.

Exes a year ago

Keke...

Of course, this roll was definitely not my favorite. But it was strange and nice to me seeing my life back then. Not only how different I looked, how we all looked, but just... it's all changed. And I love ittttttt.

But now I'm begging for an Ian and Yuri roll.

Another time a year ago

Now every time we pass by here, we talk about Senor Squirrel. I swear, I think we talked to him for 30 straight minutes. He was pleasant, wasn't he? He approached us and discussed things that mattered such as music... and art...

AND YES, I AM DEVELOPING SHITLOADS OF MY FILMS. SO I SHARING.

Some time a year ago

Remember THIS! The first time I fell in love with French Bull Dogs. Ever since then, my heart ACHES. Remember when the owner left them unattended? Why didn't we steal them Makayla?! Why didn't we make them ours?! Look at little Casper! White and cute and tiny. I MISS I MISS

I will do this all in one entry

DAY 01- Guilty pleasure

SKINS

Day 02- Something that inspires you

Honestly... I don't know.

Day 03- The five songs you would have with you on a desert island and why

Petals by The Honorary Title because it's my song.
Disintegration by The Cure because I love it.
Hysteric by Yeah Yeah Yeahs because it's fantastic.
There Is A Light That Never Goes Out by The Smiths because it's terrifc.
Demolition Lovers by My Chemical Romance because it's part of me.

Day 04- What you imagine paradise to be like

My paradise consists of blue blue skies and sun sun sun. I'll have my house. My beautiful white house, with a beautiful porch that sets with the sun. Little French Bull running around the house, some Smiths song playing on the record playing. A busy kitchen. Because we'll cook. Because you want to be a chef, and you want to cook for me. And you'll love me, and I'll love you. Doesn't that sound splendid honey? I can't wait.

Day 05- A thank you letter to someone who has changed your life

Dear Mom and Dad, These kinds of things usually go to my friends. But I'm always thanking them. So this one's for you! You two are the most perfect pair in the entire universe. I will never see anything better than what I've seen in the both of you. I will always admire and hope to have what you have. Thank you for showing me that it's possible that something so good can really exist. You guys are really good, promise.

Day 06- Earliest thing you can remember

Listening to the radio with mom and dad at our first..or second house.

Day 07- Favorite cover of your favorite song

I just love it. She did really well.

Day 08- Someone you think would make a good president

Fuck this.

Day 09- Five things you want to see change

Is this a general question? About..my life? Or the world? Because I'm not down to talk about the world. With me? I want to see myself be more productive, care more about the things I should care about, care less about the things I shouldn't, keep striving for happiness, and....Idk guys. something. Anything. Change is good.

Day 10- A dream you had this past week described in detail

Well, while I was sleeping at Mikal's, Charlie was being bloody loud. So I dreamt of him. And I dreamt that I was coming home (their home) from grocery shopping and Tay greeted my hello at the door. And since the front door was open, Charlie decided to fly up and away, and when he came back down to the ground.. he wasn't Charlie anymore. He was a fatter version of himself. And he had two Jedi tails. And Mikal knew it wasn't Charlie.. and this fatty bird didn't fly. He just waddled around all over the house. And Tay kept saying SHE WON'T NOTICE SHE WON'T NOTICE THAT ISSSS CHARLIE.

Day 11- Favorite picture ever taken of yourself

DON'T HAVE. But here's a very recent one.

Day 12- Your favorite musical artist’s life story

Robert Smith. Because he writes the saddest and most heart wrenching love songs that I have ever heard but he has been with his sweetheart for over 30 years. That's fucking amazing.

Day 13- A memory that never fails to make you laugh

Right now, my dad's "stone age tool" at the beach. Mikal and I laugh about this everyyyyy time.

Day 14- Best mashup you’ve ever heard

Aiz and I love this.

Day 15- A moment, phrase, or song that has changed your life the most

"Wants over needs" - Fernan Caasi. Honestly, when he said this to me in Sophomore year, things began to really change. My mindset started to move forward.

Day 16- Something that you want to do within the next five years

Go out of the country. Figure out how this whole thing is gonna work for me..

Day 17- What you want to be remembered for

Someone who chose to live their life happily, regardless the hardships and bullshit that life can give sometimes. I want people to think of happiness.

Day 18- A picture that makes you feel

Feel what? Whatever.

Day 19- A passage from a book that has touched you

"If you listen to the song “Asleep,” and you think about those pretty weather days that makes you remember things, and you think about the prettiest eyes you’ve known, and you cry, and the person holds you back, then I think you will see the photograph." -Stephen Chbosky.

Day 20- A band that you immediately liked and the song that made you like them

Day 21- Your favorite medium of art

Most definitely... oil pastels right now. Or charcoal.

Day 22- Someone you would give your life up for without question

Family and friends, BIEN SUR

Day 23- Most awkward first impression you feel you’ve ever given

Honestly, I hardly have awkward first impressions. I'm rather comfortable with myself most of the times. So.

Day 24- Something you did as a child that other people remember you for

I was bloody shy. And I ate RIDICULOUSLY..I mean..RIDICULOUSLY slow.

Day 25- Something you would do if no one stopped you or if you knew you wouldn’t fail

In my lifetime, become an airplane pilot, have my own flower shop, and be the most expensive interpreter in the history of the universe.

Day 26- Your definition of love

I prefer not to define love. Because it just is. Love IS.

Day 27- Your definition of the meaning of life

Find happiness. Do what you want.

Day 28- A moment you remember being completely happy in and a description of why you believe you were. What is your definition of happiness?

Summer of 2009. I was completely and utterly happy. I had the sun. I had my music. I had my bestfriends. I had my Ian. I had adventures. I had trips with my family. It was all amazing. My definition of happiness is a little word...MINE.

Day 29- What you live for

Love and happiness.

Day 30- Ways you believe you have grown over the past thirty days

MORE LIKE 30 MINUTES!!! ;D this was like a long ass survey.

In the world of television...

My new obsession...

Some British show called

SKINS.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS u_u

Some things that make me happy

This weather calls for good doses of happiness.

This mysterious one had me scratching my head. I couldn't figure out who it was the entire day when I first received it. When I came home.. my sister fessed up. My sister loves me. Very very very very very very very very much.

This, from Briana Gonzalez. I didn't expect any at all, especially not from her. We've had great times through out our four years. It's nice knowing that I'm worth remembering to someone.

And this, of course, my favorite. Sometimes I forget that she actually does love me. Many thanks to the girl that once was my everything! The one and only time I let anyone be my everything. Alyssa Morelos Corpuz, MY MAKER. Just kidding, but we built each other up once upon a time.

Immediately, I thought of Ian

THIS WEATHER.

FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

It's 1:11am. After distracting myself with one episode of Lizzie Mcguire (that one episode where their science teacher kept giving Gordo unfair grades), I took another attempt at sleep.

After nearly an hour of my expected tossing and turning, I got up, turned on my lights, and decided to write an essay for English.

My heavy little heart led me to writing about why I love summer so much. And so I'm sitting here, my feet falling asleep, my eyes heavy..but not as heavy as my little heart, writing away about the great things that make me the happiest.

SUMMER.

Oh my little heart aches.

"...and an ache in my gut the size of Texas."

What can I do about this? I don't understand. I'm tossing and turning in bed, holding myself, then releasing myself, then smothering my face on my pillow, then tossing and turning some more.

And the only thing I'm thinking about to make myself feel better is continue my Lizzie Mcguire marathon.

I think I need someone. I need someone to say something right to me. It's ok to need someone, right? Because yes, I need someone.

I hate looking up at these pictures just to end up thinking, "you really loved me."

Summer, Man.

HEY GUISE

Guess who wants to be a foot model?! ;D
Just kidding, not me. But it I can finally show the world their greatness. I know I know thanks [:

My feet look bwoken |;

Sunday Hangovers

Morning...

...means noon. I woke up to a terrific bowl of pasta and RV's dashboard.

Afternoon...

...Dad's specialy sunny-side eggs and rice for lunch.
...and some Superhero popsicles for round 1, round 2, round 3, round 4...and so on.
...some Tiramisu cake that Jase forgot to take home? Done.
...talking shit about fckyeahcutecouples?
...Lizzie Mcguire marathon. We're on episode 5!
...attempts at ripping some light wash pants
...cutting up some pants for shorts
...dyeing extensions!

And now, it is time to clean up my room, post my newly developed pictures on my walls, maybe even do some HW. Or maybe not.

What's next... what's next...

Tomorrow..I WILL buy Otter Pops. I'd forgotten to purchase them over the weekend. Poooop.

Meeeeeshwaaaaa :D

Yesterday was...

Jase's birthday, and I refused to greet him a happy birthday. So... I didn't.

But I did...

-Buy him his favorite cake
-Superhero popsicles
-Ube icecream that we forgot about last night
-Gathered a small, comfortable, chill company for dinner
-Cooked pasta (our favorite)
-Cooked other Filipino-favorite processed meats
-And watched Daybreakers, theater style in my living room

Nights like those... nights chill at my house... my favorite. It's been forever. Last night reminded me of Sophomore year's Thanksgiving dinner, watching 28 Weeks Later. Cuddled up with someone I love, surrounded by the best people.

COOL STORY BRO

Conversations: I realized.

Badass mthfcka: I think I'll grow to love them even if their heads turn out to be monstrously massive...

Acceptably-cool guy: What a relief...

Badass mthfcka: I mean I thought about it... If I grew to look passed your blimp-sized head and still be in love with you... I think I'll be crazy about our kids either way.

Acceptably-cool guy: I mean yeah you're right. But BABE, they're our kids, not pet hamsters!

Badass mthfkca: Pet hamsters? Those aren't cute. How about puppies. They'll be big-headed puppies. And I'll love them and make them lunches and sing to them and give them flattering haircuts that shrinks the appearance of their heads.

Well,

I just realized that I forgot about the 30 day challenge. Fuck it. Right guise?

Trespassing the Dias' residence...

Stealin' juices chillin' by the cooler from passed fire pit nights...

Playin' with the feesh in the pond...

Bein' just about the coolest kids in the world...

Waitin' for our rockets to come...

And

Waiting for Mikal to come home from her haircut. Which I dreaded because the thought of her cutting her hair so short...even if it's just a small portion...makes me already miss her beautifully luscious hair. But I ended up liking it guise.

She kept waiting for my approval and I approve! So goddamn you, don't regret this haircut. You look badass. No you do not look like a dyke. But yes I LOVE lustfully pulling on it.

Tuesday

Not too long ago, my family and I used to take one night each week to go to the mall specifically to eat at the food court. We'd order from where we'd order. Usually, Vage and I are Sbarro's, Ma and Pa are Hibachi San, and Blithe is Subway. When we're all ordered up, we'd put two tables together and we'd sit like it was our dinner table at home. Same seating arrangements and everything. Last Tuesday, we had one of those trips. And I'd really missed it.

I miss how we were always in good moods for those nights. How we'd joke around loudly, and laugh loudly, and the people eating around us would turn specifically to see what's all the ruckus at our table. And I could see the curiosity in their eyes, or even envy, admiration, or happiness. And I know that they're thinking we're all good together.

And the outside, it looked like this. It was so familiar. Blithe and Vage would both race to the car, while Ma and Pa would walk slowly together, huddled from the cold holdings hands. And of course, I'd be walking looking up at the sky.

Every single time I come across this..

I end up watching it for DAYS. Every time.

It's mesmerizing D:

My Blogger being hella boring lately...

I haven't been home.

I've been doing stuff and not doing homework and stuff.

Guise. Tomorrow, I am going to buy a box of Otter Pops. 100 Otter Pops. And I'm going to love the day. Well I mean first I'll have to freeze them. BUT IT'LL BE A GOOD DAY.

YES!!!!

EMBRACE IT!

Dear ADF,

Thank you for being the one that has faith in me. Thank you for not questioning my potential, my drive, my passions, my ability to be.

I was thinking some things through. And the confidence I need resides within you. As the rest of the world truthfully discourages me, I come home to you telling me, "You've got this baby, you've got this." You know that... if I want to, if I want anything at all, that I can have it, that I can be it. I haven't got too many people believing in me. And I know that. Almost all my closest friends, the people that I surround myself with, and of course my family. I know that when I state the things I want to accomplish, they question me. I haven't achieved much in life. I haven't done very much at all with my life. The only thing that I've really got to be proud of are the people in my life. I haven't got the talents that ever showed the world my pure potential. I haven't worked enough for people to see me and to know that I really can do whatever I set my mind.

But it's nice to have you. To know that you're the person that lifts my spirits when they're at their lowest. Sometimes, it's just good to have someone argue with you when you insist that you're a pile of shit. And I know you know, behind my pretentious cocky facade, that I tremble because of my own criticisms and insecurities.

I'd just like to say... I make it through days because of you. Everyone needs that someone that knows that they aren't a pile of shit. And you're that someone. Because I know.. and I'm absolutely positive about this.. that no one else thinks I'm amazing the way you think I'm amazing. I'm just another face, another memory to everyone else.

But not to you.

God damn. I love you.

What Ange wants out of life..

And by life I mean my body. And by my body I mean what I physically cannot have.

Ange wants a longer torso. And some more defined hip bones. C'est tout.

But no. In this life time, I am the physical discontent version of myself.

Summer season means shimmering skin to expose. And...my torso is ...gay.

Ok. No more whining.

People. Rant. About. Promises.

SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.

Of course people will break their promises. If you really don't want to be the one that ends up hurt in the end of a broken promise, then don't believe the promise breaker in the first place. Don't hold them accountable for your bad feelings. You're in charge of how you feel. People will tell you all kinds of bull shit. It's like telling someone to not lie to you when you should know that EVERYONE lies. Why are you bitching about someone NOT being able to keep a promise? Shit mthafckn happens! I've seen these promise rants waay too many times today. I've had it! SHUT THE FUCK UP! Get a fucking hold of yourself! If you feel like shit, then you feel like shit! Bottom line. Goddamnit -________________-

Everyone can break a promise. We lie. EVERYONE fckn lies! Your boyfriend lies. Your friends lies. Your family hella lies. Sometimes, people just want to make you feel better, feel good. Sometimes people tell you things in your best interest. Besides, in the end, no one cares that you bitch and moan about how someone broke your very sacred promise. No one cares. NO ONE. Except for you of course. So just..Just..god damnit. Shut the fuck up.

Francais Projet! from angie andrade on Vimeo.

19 years...

This is what I want.

Day 12 - A fictional book

Vag and I loved this book back in the daaaay.

From my most loyal Blogger pal, SG

LAYER 1: ON THE OUTSIDE.
Name: Bear Cub Del Fierro
Birth Date: 1015
Current Location: Home; parents' room; bat cave
Hair Color: Dark brown. I loathe it.
Righty/Lefty: Righty right righty LEFT. Just kidding. Right.

LAYER 2: ON THE INSIDE.
Your fear: Not being happy with my life.
Your dream of the perfect date: Either the most glorious sunny days out and about under the sun, or tangled indoors. With Adrian Del Fierro.
Goals you’d like to achieve: Before I die, I want to be able to say..or think to myself if I'm not able to speak..that I've lived a good, happy life. With no regrets.

LAYER 3: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW.
Your thoughts first waking up: IAN! MIKAL! Ok. Time to get up yet?
Your best physical feature: I...uhm. It's not by best..but I am very fond of my own feet x:
Your bed time: When I fall asleep. My father stopped telling me to sleep a few months ago.
Your most missed memory: I always always miss my summers with the best friends that I've had. Elementary, yes. 8th grade, yes.

LAYER 4: YOUR PICK.
Pepsi or Coke: PEPSI!!!!
McDonald’s or Burger King: BK fries. McD's ...chicken nuggets and apple pie.
Single or Group Dates: Single! But sometimes, Ian and I accept group date invites from other couples. They are quite fun.
Adidas or Nike: Converse.
Chocolate or Vanilla: Depends?
Cappuccino or Coffee: TEA!

LAYER 5: DO YOU.
Smoke: Ian made me quit. So I quit.
Cuss: Always
Take showers: Oh no. Never.
Have a crush: Adrian Del Fierro.
Like(d) school: No.
Believe in yourself: I do. Even if people around me really does. Except for Ian. Everyone questions me, family and friends. But never ever Ian.
Believe what goes around comes around: Yes. But it's never always an equal consequence. There will be a consequence..it just doesn't always match up to the action.
Believe everything happens for a reason: Kind of. I haven't made up my mind about this yet.
Think you’re a health freak: Aha hell no.

LAYER 6: IN THE PAST MONTH.
Gone to the mall: With Ace!
Been on stage: Yes?
Eaten sushi: Of course
Been hurt: Who has not?
Dyed your hair: /:

LAYER 7: HAVE YOU EVER.
Played a stripping game: I'd like to.
Kissed the same sex: Yes.
Got beaten up: Yes!
Changed who you were to fit in: I've never forcefully changed myself. If I changed, it was all natural baby.

LAYER 8: GETTING OLD.
Age you’re hoping to be married by: I don't care when to be married. I just want to find the person before I'm not considered young anymore. Preferably by 20's I want to have found that person /:
Number of kids you’re planning on having: 1 or 2.

LAYER 9: IN A GIRL/GUY.
Best eye color: Dark.
Best hair color: Dark.
Short or long hair: Short.
Fat or fit: Fit.
Looks or personality: BOTH.
Fun or serious: BOTH

LAYER 10: WHAT WERE YOU DOING.
1 MINUTE AGO: Texting Ian and Mikal
1 HOUR AGO: Eating.
1 WEEK AGO: At Tahoe
1 YEAR AGO: With Dean probably.

LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE.
I FEEL: periody, but in love. So it's ok.
I HATE: yeah..school.
I HIDE: my emotions 75% of the time. Unless it's being happy. Then I don't hide.
I NEED: to be more aware of the future.
I LOVE: Adrian D:

Sunny days again...

YESTERDAY; Snow cones day 2!

As Charlie hopped on my shoulder, claws and all pressing down my skin, Mikal and I fell silent as we heard the ascending music outside on the court. Silent. Yelling. Panic. Running. Then we were outside dancing, waiting till the ice cream man stops right in front of the house. He stopped to us smiling at the sight of our hopping-like, spinning-like snow-cone dance and bright faces. TWO SNOW CONES PLEASE. And a rocket pop for mama Tam.

Then we indulged out in her backyard by the pond and under the plum tree shade, blowing out ice from our mouth and pretending that it was snowy outside. I never really could finish an entire cone. But those several minutes with a snow cone makes my entire day.

Snow cones? CHECK
Mikal? CHECK
Sunny day? CHECK
The BEST day? CHECK!

Day 12 - Whatever tickles my fancy

SO CUTE

According to TinyPic, these are the images that I'll enjoy...

Day 11 - Photo taken of you recently

Yes, posted twice, IDGAF. I love this picture. It's the best candid photo in the history of the entire world. And just 'cause this is my favorite person in the history of the entire universe.

Sunny days

Thursday! My bestfriend and I had snow cones today, like it was summer again and already. We danced the snow cone dance and stuck our tongues at in the air. We grocery shopped. We cooked delicious pastas for the night. We stumped ourselves with movie selections. We paid no mind to the movie, while we ...looked up cool shit on the internet!... Then I fell asleep, made funny sounds, she said. And drooled all over her dry arm.

"I wish our lives could be like that..." she said quietly.
I looked at her, "It could."
"This summer..." she began. I gave her my pinky.
"...we'll be inseparable." Then I gave her my other.

Day 10 - Photo of you taken over 10 years ago

We ALL loved that bike. We'd take turns, but we'd never take it outside because we didn't want the other kids messing with it. Yes, loved it that much. It was the best Barbie bike in the history of the world. My Lola gave it to me for a birthday I think. Blithe rode that bike all the time too. Sometimes... even with out his his diapers of underwear...

Adventurous Food Day

Morning:

-Baby carrots
-Granola bars
-Cranberry pomegranate juice
-Bagels and cream cheese
-Fruit roll up galore
-Calamnsi juice
...all provided by ADF. except for the cran juice.

Afternoon:

Arby's with Jase, Mel, Fernan, Ry, and Kai
-Ham and cheese melt
-chocolate milkshake

Jack in the Box with Fox
-10 more churros

After school:

With Ian at Blacow Park

-Bag of Airheads
-Vitamin Water that reminds me of Junior year
-V8 juice

With Ace at the mall
-Hotdog combo with Pepsi from Target while she had the Mac and Cheese meal
(we were still famished so... we deicded to go to the foodcourt and buy some more food)

At the food court, Sbarro's:
-Pasta..thing..delicious.
-Baked Ziti
-And more drinks, huge Dr. Pepper that I took 3 sips out of.

And while we ate, we sat near these hybrid babies and their mama, and the older one kept staring at me, and I kept smiling. She was a cute little one, and Ace and I discussed how she'll be really pretty one day and how hybrid babies are pretty and how Asian makes hybridness look so pretty. Yeah. Straight up creepers at the mall.

I'm literally emptying out my pockets of cash and my bank account. And I'm soft and pooch-y. I need to stop. Right?!

C'est tout!

While tickling her love handle...

I decided to use one of her brushes as a tickling device. That led me to using her make up set for her love handle. Which led me to using her make up set for her entire back.

I told her I'd paint her the night sky. It all went so well, until I got carried away....

It ended up looking like a huge bruise.

But I enjoyed my work.

I told her to keep it and to show dad that her boyfriend hit her.

Badass Andrade's

Location: Tahoe, THE BEACH.