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My first failure today was waking up at 12 in the afternoon. Yesterday's accomplishment isn't today's. I don't want that to happen again.
As I walked home today, under the heat that I referred to as "silly", I decided that everyday, every single day of my life, I will accomplish a minimum of 4 goals and list them at the end of the day. If I've more failures than accomplishments, then I'll list both. But every day, from now on, I will accomplish at least 4 things.
Rock climbing has led me to realize this. Being with Aiza led me to realize this. I remember... my first climb was manageable, and I knew I was entirely capable of finishing it. But as I reached center till the top, I felt my mind dragging, my body lagging. I remember physically asking myself under my breath, "What do I do now?" The motivation to finish began to fade. Like, it began to not matter, and I stopped for a second, took a breath, looked up, and for a split second... deliberated whether or not to just quit now and let go.
But...
for another split second, I looked down. And Aiza with her chin up at me, watched as I was climbing. She was so attentive of me. And as I saw her looking up at me, I felt stupid... so terribly stupid for even letting myself think that I should let go. So, I looked up again and continued up. Foot, foot, lift, lift, push. And I reached the top, grabbed the rope, and rang that bell.
I took a minute to gather what I'd just put myself through and decided that it can't ever happen again. I can't ever question my intentions when I'm well beyond capable of doing something. And I realize, that for such a long time, I have been this way. I've shot down my own potential, shot down my own motivation, my own drive, just to take the easy way out. I haven't failed anything because I've been refusing to try anything.
And it's so stupid of me because I have someone like Aiza. Someone who will be down there, pushing me forward, looking up at me when I'm weary. Someone who believes in me when I don't. Who won't question what I'm capable of, and won't ever tell me that I can't do something. Who will have faith in me.
After that first climb, I accepted every other rock to climb. She instructed me to climb the most difficult wall in the building. And I looked at it, watched Charlotte fall at the attempt of doing it. I squinted, but went on up anyway. My first attempt, I reached the middle and fell of.f But with my second attempt, Aiz told that she'll help me along the way. And she did. She instructed me with a patient voice, leg up on the blue next to my knee, hand up on the green, push with my legs, not with my arms. You can do it, Ange, almost there. And before I knew it, I was up there, rope in hand, bell ringing.
There's something about being around her that always, always makes me want to finish things. I thought about it that night as we talked till morning in her room. Aiza and I have always had goals to accomplish. We always wanted to do things, be something, finish anything we start. That's what we were about. We had goals to go places. To change ourselves for the better. To do something amazing, be something amazing.
She said to me, "We did change though. We changed a lot." And I heard that tone in her voice. That though we didn't accomplish things together, as we had always planned in the beginning, we've made the changes we always spoke of anyway. And that hey, here you are, here I am. We're still us, things have just changed.
My first failure today was waking up at 12 in the afternoon. Yesterday's accomplishment isn't today's. I don't want that to happen again.
As I walked home today, under the heat that I referred to as "silly", I decided that everyday, every single day of my life, I will accomplish a minimum of 4 goals and list them at the end of the day. If I've more failures than accomplishments, then I'll list both. But every day, from now on, I will accomplish at least 4 things.
Rock climbing has led me to realize this. Being with Aiza led me to realize this. I remember... my first climb was manageable, and I knew I was entirely capable of finishing it. But as I reached center till the top, I felt my mind dragging, my body lagging. I remember physically asking myself under my breath, "What do I do now?" The motivation to finish began to fade. Like, it began to not matter, and I stopped for a second, took a breath, looked up, and for a split second... deliberated whether or not to just quit now and let go.
But...
for another split second, I looked down. And Aiza with her chin up at me, watched as I was climbing. She was so attentive of me. And as I saw her looking up at me, I felt stupid... so terribly stupid for even letting myself think that I should let go. So, I looked up again and continued up. Foot, foot, lift, lift, push. And I reached the top, grabbed the rope, and rang that bell.
I took a minute to gather what I'd just put myself through and decided that it can't ever happen again. I can't ever question my intentions when I'm well beyond capable of doing something. And I realize, that for such a long time, I have been this way. I've shot down my own potential, shot down my own motivation, my own drive, just to take the easy way out. I haven't failed anything because I've been refusing to try anything.
And it's so stupid of me because I have someone like Aiza. Someone who will be down there, pushing me forward, looking up at me when I'm weary. Someone who believes in me when I don't. Who won't question what I'm capable of, and won't ever tell me that I can't do something. Who will have faith in me.
After that first climb, I accepted every other rock to climb. She instructed me to climb the most difficult wall in the building. And I looked at it, watched Charlotte fall at the attempt of doing it. I squinted, but went on up anyway. My first attempt, I reached the middle and fell of.f But with my second attempt, Aiz told that she'll help me along the way. And she did. She instructed me with a patient voice, leg up on the blue next to my knee, hand up on the green, push with my legs, not with my arms. You can do it, Ange, almost there. And before I knew it, I was up there, rope in hand, bell ringing.
There's something about being around her that always, always makes me want to finish things. I thought about it that night as we talked till morning in her room. Aiza and I have always had goals to accomplish. We always wanted to do things, be something, finish anything we start. That's what we were about. We had goals to go places. To change ourselves for the better. To do something amazing, be something amazing.
She said to me, "We did change though. We changed a lot." And I heard that tone in her voice. That though we didn't accomplish things together, as we had always planned in the beginning, we've made the changes we always spoke of anyway. And that hey, here you are, here I am. We're still us, things have just changed.
"Everything. Everything is a whole lot different now Tweets. But our past is still the same."
