Friday, May 8, 2009

There was only one significant thing that I can remember of today.

I sat on the couch with him, like we always used to when time was more frequently attainable, watching my favorite movies together that soon became his favorites too.

Our feet twined and our hands restless. Every minute or two we'd look to the corner and catch the other glancing. And then we'd fall into a deep stare that neither of us expect no matter how many times it consecutively happened.

My heart was thumping out of my chest, screaming this agonizing feeling that I know I'd once...or twice felt before. It felt so strange. I felt like imploding. I felt like jumping out of my skin and release what ever was causing me such inexplicable longing. It's like I couldn't take it.

So, I contained myself, held on to his gaze, crawled next to him, resting my head on his chest. I wanted to bury myself there. He whispered into my hair, "I love you..."

I'd heard him say this a dozen and one times before, but this time, I felt a lump in my throat and a sting in my eyes. I buried myself deeper into him and whispered I love you too. I heard his heart beat faster until they too we're jumping out of his chest.

I pulled away and looked away for a second. When I turned back to him again, there were tears rolling down his cheeks. And this should come as a shock, but instead I smiled and I knew why it's been hurting to be with him more and more lately. I was hanging on to him now like he's been fighting for me the months that we've been together. I'd never completely acknowledged how much he loves me. How much he adores me. How much he yearns for me.

I understand that pain and weakness for him now. I never did, though I really, of all people, I really should have understood. I should have understood the pangs in your chest when you first see their face for the day. I should have understood the addiction that their scent leaves you, wanting more. I should have understood that their very words and their very eyes could crash your heart right down to your stomach and out scraping the ground. I should have understood that the mere thought of that person could have you breathless. I really should have understood.

I don't know everything, but I know enough about love.

I know that this I have... it's going to hurt like hell.

And I'm ready.

ARCHIVE, FUCKERS (for Ace-like purposes)