yzam appreciation post

my capitalization skills have abandoned me long ago. i'm over it.

today a buddy of mine woke me up from my afternoon post-sleep nap and bombarded me with presents. he neglected to use my front door so i pulled up my blinds and told him to rip off the screen of my enormous window. through the threshold, he gave me the gifts one by one, like the fucking princess i am. (had i still had long hair and the whole situation would've been too insufferably reminiscent of fucking rapunzel). but whatever. he gave me a typewriter, the giant poster that used to belong to buddy Jarred (father of Shasta the dog), a few records (one of which was Abbey Road and i noticed he had two copies of it), and a book about childhood trauma (which he disclaimed before handing it to me so not to offend me). he also left presents for mak. on top of that, he decided to hand me a scarf to give to my mother as a token of his gratitude. and that's the kind of friend he has always been. as much as i would like to just slap him right across the face sometimes, he has been a very good friend. i never thought much about how much i appreciate him because...well i don't do that about anyone (anymore?). the house is gone and he's living in castro valley. i'll miss the place (i'm starting to think that this isn't an azam appreciation post, but the house appreciation post). fuck these fucking parenthetical fucking shit. SHIT. doing appreciation posts really fluster me. i'm literally physically very disoriented and uncomfortable right now. i just wanted to express that as unnerving as he is sometimes, he's a great friend. he's not dying or anything. this is just uncomfortable. you know what fucking else? when he left today, i could barely manage a thank you. and then i thought about how terribly i manage my thank yous. i am so fucking uncomfortable with feelings. what the fuck am i going to do with myself? I'LL FUCKING TELL YOU. I'll crack open that book about childhood trauma and try to figure me out a little. if it's dumb, i'll set it on fire and tell yzam that he's a piece of turd.