social abnomality

i didn't realize how severe my social skills have declined until cheb visited us the other day. our contrast in character stunned me a little. she's highly gregarious and understands the norms of average and colloquial communication. she lives in santa barbara for chrissake. deltopia exists to her. i don't mean to compare myself to a raging college student. it's the fact that i couldn't hold a nonthreatening, simple conversation. my mannerisms are whacked. i can't process how to respond properly. my diction is improper and indecent. i am off-putting, i realize. i inflict my own discomfort to others in hopes that it'll create empathy between us. i mistaken it for clever, but really there's just never anything better to say. my nerves grab hold of me and my rationality is screaming bored. simpletons still so creatively tell me i'm fucking weird. probably because they will never be ready for this jelly.