much to my surprise, i am capable of living horizontally for the remainder of my young life. i'll have to google later whether or not one can die of bed aches. maybe if i get started on a pressure ulcer, i can work my way strategically. although, i'm certain my liver is shriveling at an exponential rate. faster than i'd ever challenged it before. cheers to that one. fortunately, my urge to have a smoke is almost always trumped by my undying refusal to be vertical. my lungs must be thankful. however, catch me in a social situation and i'm rejecting oxygen with a hand up. if oxygen was a sleazy guy at the bar, i'd be the prissy bitch princess to roll my eyes and say "ew." if i was the sleazy guy at the bar, cigarettes would be the hot slice that i'd be rubbing up on.
things are weird.
i used to think it was adorable seeing and hearing my baby finches. now i cringe a little at even the thought of them and i feel like throwing them off a great height. if i let them go, they'll surely die too soon. if they stay here, i might end up letting them go no matter. i can't stand it. i think i hate them. i thought about this as i was giving them food and water. thought about how i hate these things that are incapable of hating. i hate them because i can. because i have the God-given right to hate. all that God gave them is the unquestionable way of being. God blessed the birds, but God didn't bless us. we're embarrassing and we're at the bottom of all life forms. someone convince me otherwise, i'd murder that debate. i'm very stuck on this belief that humans are purposeless. kill us off the world and the planet will continue to thrive, if not better than before. kill off the flies and the food chain fucks itself to oblivion. humans are adjectives. humans are opinions. humans screech about existence because we were taught that it's all about us. humans are social. humans can either be well-intended or ill-intended. we are both God and the Devil. we'll either pray or complain, or maybe we'll simply turn to our phones and convince ourselves that we shine as bright as our phone screens.
