I miss venting on this thing as if I exist with out best friends, or friends at all. I just feel like I have nothing worthy saying. But I do, you're just not interested. Are you?
My sleep has been off in a fancy turn. I sleep so extraordinarily early that I flabbergast when I wake up in the morning and realize what I'd missed out on the night. I like my sleeping early, actually. It gives me less time to think so much, and more time to... not dream. Because I hardly ever dream. And when I do... they tend to be oh so...explicit. Aha.
The weather was semi-lovely today. Does anybody else pay attention to the skies? I feel so silly, and aged. Like I'm the only one paying attention, and the only one finding kind beauty that doesn't ache to break me down. Only to well up in me like ...the way blue fire looks. Did anybody else see the moon a few nights ago? Warm, yellow, and huge. And it let me believe that we're all alright, even just for a moment.
I've been wanting to be smothered in solitude lately. But not exactly. Because when I find myself alone, I want to be smothered by somebody. I've just been overwhelmed. Like I'd finally come face to face with my responsibilities, but instead of getting to them, I turned away and left. I just hate it. I hate the feeling of being tied down, or held back by something, anything.
I don't know why, I just feel like I'm less free. Or...that I'm not as free as I know I should be. I'm young and thumping out of my pants. I NEED to be reckless and irresponsible. I need to be out with my friends, polluting my days and nights with adolescent savageness. But I'm so restrained, and so controlled, and I can't find my balls to get myself together. It's pitiful really.
There's so much I want to do. But my parents, relationships, and everything else in between. I feel like it's stopping me. I don't really know what I'm saying. Or what I want to say. I just know that someone like me, shouldn't be feeling the way I'm feeling. Because I can end up doing unimaginable things that can tear everything apart. In a split second.
My sleep has been off in a fancy turn. I sleep so extraordinarily early that I flabbergast when I wake up in the morning and realize what I'd missed out on the night. I like my sleeping early, actually. It gives me less time to think so much, and more time to... not dream. Because I hardly ever dream. And when I do... they tend to be oh so...explicit. Aha.
The weather was semi-lovely today. Does anybody else pay attention to the skies? I feel so silly, and aged. Like I'm the only one paying attention, and the only one finding kind beauty that doesn't ache to break me down. Only to well up in me like ...the way blue fire looks. Did anybody else see the moon a few nights ago? Warm, yellow, and huge. And it let me believe that we're all alright, even just for a moment.
I've been wanting to be smothered in solitude lately. But not exactly. Because when I find myself alone, I want to be smothered by somebody. I've just been overwhelmed. Like I'd finally come face to face with my responsibilities, but instead of getting to them, I turned away and left. I just hate it. I hate the feeling of being tied down, or held back by something, anything.
I don't know why, I just feel like I'm less free. Or...that I'm not as free as I know I should be. I'm young and thumping out of my pants. I NEED to be reckless and irresponsible. I need to be out with my friends, polluting my days and nights with adolescent savageness. But I'm so restrained, and so controlled, and I can't find my balls to get myself together. It's pitiful really.
There's so much I want to do. But my parents, relationships, and everything else in between. I feel like it's stopping me. I don't really know what I'm saying. Or what I want to say. I just know that someone like me, shouldn't be feeling the way I'm feeling. Because I can end up doing unimaginable things that can tear everything apart. In a split second.
