i've been pestering vaggy to buy me a can of pringles and she came home with three. sympathetic sister. i keep taking selfies tonight because i wanted to do something, so instead i'm hanging out with myself and my cans. i'm starting to resemble corpses. word on the street is that around the age of 20 or 25, chicks gotta get on that pap smear shit. i don't even go to the dentist anymore. i won't even go to my optometrist to get a stronger prescription for my eyeballs even though i can hardly see shit with these glasses. i think gyms are pretty whack and flexing is for the blissfully ignorant. if i'm raining on anyone's parade, i'm a nice enough guy to offer my umbrella (that's just the truth). although you're an idiot if you let rain ruin anything for you. i've been doing push ups because my arms are bothering me, but you'll never catch me flexing, i promise. most things in life are self-inflicted. most things in life are self-serving. all of life is self-absorbed because this is a cool illusion (maybe i mean delusion?). as a future parent, how confident do you feel about avoiding poisonous pedagogy? personally i think i'd have a rough time due to my fucked up morals. hence my refusal to procreation. i'm only twenty-two, i'll have plenty of time to change my mind if it must. i'm encouraging it not to be swayed by my biological clock though. honestly, if i reproduce, i'll inevitably doom the poor bastard unforgivably. this year i turn 23, and i won't lie, the thought makes me panic. the war between me and the intimidating age of 25 has officially commenced. stay tuned to watch me shine (my god i'm optimistic tonight). my palms are damp from thinking too much about my body. my palms are damp from thinking too much about that broken thing on my desk. my palms are damp from thinking too much about the heat of the summer. but mostly my left palm is damp because i kept it inside my pants for so long (had gotten too comfortable).
eat a
nevermind.
