here i am, absolutely engulfed by my own trepidation as to who replaced the toilet paper in the bathroom. as far as i'm concerned, i am in charge of replacing empty rolls of toiler paper. ferna comes home for the weekend, the scary stories are shared, and i piss on my toilet paranoid as to who had replaced the goddamn toilet paper. from 1 to DAMN BRUH, how paranoid am i being? i walked back out of my backyard and everyone crowding around the fire were paying too close attention to a baby crying next door. mind that before i had gone inside to piss, we were discussing crying babies and scratching on doors. (i'd just recently gotten accustomed to my own fears of the supernatural. bare with me. BEARS).
again, my mind reels.
i turn here now to declare my infuriating need for solitude. it's not until i surround myself with other human beings that i realize how terribly i need my time to be alone. while listening to my friends discuss and converse and share, all i could occupy myself with was the immutable urge to lock myself in my bedroom and mind my own business. not that i detested the company, i just wanted my mind to myself. i didn't want the pressure of sharing my opinions or my sidebar comments. i just wanted me, to myself, intently listening in on the thoughts that wrap me up till five in the morning. i just feel better when it's quiet or i'm alone. is this age? no, fuck that simplicity. this is just preference. the noise i like is the noise i make for my own enjoyment.
a lot of things have changed.
