Do you know what I find undeniably attractive? Intensity. Intensity into anything, for anything, with anything. Intensity starts in the eyes. Then it coasts down to the mouth. Then your whole face follows along. The last part, your whole body is smothered by it. There is just something about these... movements... that drive me to the edge...
Do you know what I wasted my time on today? The Fast and The Furious. Why did I agree to watch that? I could've watched my girlfriend Kristen Stewart in Adventureland instead but no. I just had to miss Jawsh. But you know what made up for that wasted time? Sitting between Dean and Jawsh in the theaters and being able to yawn-stretch my arms around their necks, so slyly [:<
Do you know how windy it gets this time of year? I remember last year. It was so windy too! My orange sweater was always there to salvage some parts of my shivering dignity. And sometimes when I permit it, orange sweater is still there. But to think how much I've changed since the previous year.. If my last year self saw my this year self, I wonder if I would be proud of me. I always did wonder this.
Do you know how perverse I am? Ridiculously. I have always been so raw and provocative with the things I state and the things I thought. Sometimes, I just feel the need to hide, or even shy away from it to fit in the right environment. But on my good days, I can say every little detail of my shameless thoughts. If you knew what I was thinking... Mmmm..
Do you know how well I'm behaving? Very well. Just don't get inside my thoughts. It's fucking private in there. Sensory!
Do you know how Dean makes me feel like I'm pretty? It's strange. I never felt like that before. Not before him. I feel as if I am so sick in my own eyes that I am sick in everyone else's eyes. But I think he sees something else. I don't know how to react to this good feeling. It's so fucking strange. I think it might be bad. Why can't I make myself feel like I am pretty ..even if I am not? My self-esteem is so low that I can't think well of myself? I don't know. Loving oneself? It's even stranger to me.
I'm going to watch Shane. Cherish one another, folks.
Do you know what I wasted my time on today? The Fast and The Furious. Why did I agree to watch that? I could've watched my girlfriend Kristen Stewart in Adventureland instead but no. I just had to miss Jawsh. But you know what made up for that wasted time? Sitting between Dean and Jawsh in the theaters and being able to yawn-stretch my arms around their necks, so slyly [:<
Do you know how windy it gets this time of year? I remember last year. It was so windy too! My orange sweater was always there to salvage some parts of my shivering dignity. And sometimes when I permit it, orange sweater is still there. But to think how much I've changed since the previous year.. If my last year self saw my this year self, I wonder if I would be proud of me. I always did wonder this.
Do you know how perverse I am? Ridiculously. I have always been so raw and provocative with the things I state and the things I thought. Sometimes, I just feel the need to hide, or even shy away from it to fit in the right environment. But on my good days, I can say every little detail of my shameless thoughts. If you knew what I was thinking... Mmmm..
Do you know how well I'm behaving? Very well. Just don't get inside my thoughts. It's fucking private in there. Sensory!
Do you know how Dean makes me feel like I'm pretty? It's strange. I never felt like that before. Not before him. I feel as if I am so sick in my own eyes that I am sick in everyone else's eyes. But I think he sees something else. I don't know how to react to this good feeling. It's so fucking strange. I think it might be bad. Why can't I make myself feel like I am pretty ..even if I am not? My self-esteem is so low that I can't think well of myself? I don't know. Loving oneself? It's even stranger to me.
I'm going to watch Shane. Cherish one another, folks.
