I can't really say that I ever 'struggled' with my sexuality. Considering that I have found myself attracted to both sexes for as long as I can remember, the coming to terms part was simple, seamless, and easy. But for some reason, it's everyone else around me that ...won't really take me seriously or just give me a hard time. Not that my sexuality is what makes my life go round, but it kind of makes me feel uneasy. Once I knew I was certain that I was attracted to both sexes, it was easy for me. It wasn't some life-altering mess of tears and jeers. And I don't have this awful fear of 'coming out'. Because I'm not hiding and I never was. Not even to my parents. I don't have to make a dramatic, big deal of it, because it isn't a dramatic, big deal. And so in the end, if I end up with a woman instead of a man to spend the rest of my life with, I'll act on it the same way if it would have been a man. Everyone is everyone.
As for everyone else... It's like people think that I'm crying wolf...except I'm crying gay/bi/whatever you like to call it. I don't feel the need to tell my stories as proof nor do I ever feel the need to back my shit up by giving the full on story of my incredibly gay life. But it is a part of me. It does exist about me. But ...I guess it's not believable? But then again, I have always said that I don't believe in sexual orientations, just sexual preferences. Which I still stand by to this day. I mean, whenever I try to think these things through, I always end up saying that anything is possible. It's true. Anyone, absolutely anyone can fall in love with anyone. You can mark yourself hetero for the majority of your life then next thing you know, your life flips you upside down in love with the same sex. And so I thought, why brand myself so limited? I don't haaaave to fall under any category; hetero, bi, homo. I can just...do me. I just can't imagine having boundaries when it comes to having/finding a partner.
For me, I have had feelings and been attracted to both members of the sexes. In fact, the first person that ever gave me the agonizing ache of a heart break was indeed a girl. I have not been honest about this part of my life until recently. It's been my hushed whispered secret because... I don't know. It just was. I didn't want to fuck shit up. Even if behind closed doors, I really did just that. I guess I kept it hushed because I didn't want to hurt the people around me. I didn't want to hurt my hetero partner at the moment and other people who would be affected by it. But I didn't keep it hush BECAUSE of the 'bisexual' factor. I kept quiet about it because I had feelings for someone else, period. I would have done the same, man or woman. And so I kept it to me, let it brood inside me where...it really did tear me to shreds. There are still some songs I can't listen to with out having that pang in my chest because I used music and my room and writing as instruments of getting over someone. But I digress and I really shouldn't get into those details now. On another entry maybe.
My point is... I like everyone. I mean, I could like everyone. On a broader sense, I think that everyone could like anyone. I think we're all bisexual. Our beliefs and customs and society just embedded on us a more limited and conventional way of living. When really, it should be entirely normal that your attractions exceed to both sexes. But I am still on the fence about gay marriage. Just 'cause...'marriage' was intended for a man and a woman. The gays are gay... a man and a man is a man and a man and a woman and a woman is a woman and a woman. It's not marriage. Maybe I'm just on the fence about its coined term and definition. By definition, 'marriage' is a social institution in which a man and a woman decide to live as husband and wife. There should be another term for a marriage between a man and man and a woman and woman. I think that's why I was always more partial to 'partnership'. But even that term seems ...inadequate to me. But oh god, again, I digress.
I'm trying to be more personal and really tell the truths about me on this here blog of mine. I thought, if people are gonna read about me, they might as well know exactly what I want them to know. Truth or insignificant, it's my choice to share what I want to share.
As for everyone else... It's like people think that I'm crying wolf...except I'm crying gay/bi/whatever you like to call it. I don't feel the need to tell my stories as proof nor do I ever feel the need to back my shit up by giving the full on story of my incredibly gay life. But it is a part of me. It does exist about me. But ...I guess it's not believable? But then again, I have always said that I don't believe in sexual orientations, just sexual preferences. Which I still stand by to this day. I mean, whenever I try to think these things through, I always end up saying that anything is possible. It's true. Anyone, absolutely anyone can fall in love with anyone. You can mark yourself hetero for the majority of your life then next thing you know, your life flips you upside down in love with the same sex. And so I thought, why brand myself so limited? I don't haaaave to fall under any category; hetero, bi, homo. I can just...do me. I just can't imagine having boundaries when it comes to having/finding a partner.
For me, I have had feelings and been attracted to both members of the sexes. In fact, the first person that ever gave me the agonizing ache of a heart break was indeed a girl. I have not been honest about this part of my life until recently. It's been my hushed whispered secret because... I don't know. It just was. I didn't want to fuck shit up. Even if behind closed doors, I really did just that. I guess I kept it hushed because I didn't want to hurt the people around me. I didn't want to hurt my hetero partner at the moment and other people who would be affected by it. But I didn't keep it hush BECAUSE of the 'bisexual' factor. I kept quiet about it because I had feelings for someone else, period. I would have done the same, man or woman. And so I kept it to me, let it brood inside me where...it really did tear me to shreds. There are still some songs I can't listen to with out having that pang in my chest because I used music and my room and writing as instruments of getting over someone. But I digress and I really shouldn't get into those details now. On another entry maybe.
My point is... I like everyone. I mean, I could like everyone. On a broader sense, I think that everyone could like anyone. I think we're all bisexual. Our beliefs and customs and society just embedded on us a more limited and conventional way of living. When really, it should be entirely normal that your attractions exceed to both sexes. But I am still on the fence about gay marriage. Just 'cause...'marriage' was intended for a man and a woman. The gays are gay... a man and a man is a man and a man and a woman and a woman is a woman and a woman. It's not marriage. Maybe I'm just on the fence about its coined term and definition. By definition, 'marriage' is a social institution in which a man and a woman decide to live as husband and wife. There should be another term for a marriage between a man and man and a woman and woman. I think that's why I was always more partial to 'partnership'. But even that term seems ...inadequate to me. But oh god, again, I digress.
I'm trying to be more personal and really tell the truths about me on this here blog of mine. I thought, if people are gonna read about me, they might as well know exactly what I want them to know. Truth or insignificant, it's my choice to share what I want to share.
