And maybe I have never been given the most appropriate to be that sad now, but my speech today reminded me of just how sad I used to be.
I spent the first half of my high school career being so goddamn sad. Does anyone else remember that? As I mentioned earlier tonight, I was emotional and dark and walled up and despondent. Nothing was ever good enough to be a part of my genuine happiness. It was even in the way I wrote. My entries or journals from years ago were so devastating and sad and yearning and aching and empty and jumbled up. But I had a lot to say about how I felt. I was so open to say how hurt I felt or how angry or how sad. Those things used to be my easiest topics.
But now, I am surrounded by all this happiness. And after attaining all this time, I am so afraid of losing it that I refuse to be ok with being sad or angry or hurt. Usually, there is nothing more I need in life than knowing that I am sincerely happy. But a little bit of sadness, some aching, some anger should be healthy for me as well. I should know to feel everything, right?
My balance.
I spent the first half of my high school career being so goddamn sad. Does anyone else remember that? As I mentioned earlier tonight, I was emotional and dark and walled up and despondent. Nothing was ever good enough to be a part of my genuine happiness. It was even in the way I wrote. My entries or journals from years ago were so devastating and sad and yearning and aching and empty and jumbled up. But I had a lot to say about how I felt. I was so open to say how hurt I felt or how angry or how sad. Those things used to be my easiest topics.
But now, I am surrounded by all this happiness. And after attaining all this time, I am so afraid of losing it that I refuse to be ok with being sad or angry or hurt. Usually, there is nothing more I need in life than knowing that I am sincerely happy. But a little bit of sadness, some aching, some anger should be healthy for me as well. I should know to feel everything, right?
My balance.
