Today, I decided to take a rest day. I lazed around, downloading music, surrounded myself with it, and relaxed just as I wanted to.
It's 8 something pm and I was informed that you wrote about me again. Mind you, I no longer keep myself updated with your life because, I never saw a reason to anymore. We're done, isn't that what you said? But this time, I was curious. And so I gave your blog my attention. To my partial surprise, it was written directly to me. Not even him or us. ME. Now the disclaimer eased me at first. You didn't want to be bitter. Yes? But who exactly did you want to read something that was clearly for me?
I never had my closure with you. I would've. But I didn't have my chance. All the times I wanted to meet with you just to clear things out... God I kind of feel pathetic when I think about it now. I cared so much about you. But you cut me off before I even had the chance. Just like you, I guess I'll publicize.
Let's get this straight first. You...the two of you. You shut US out. And we lied, yes. ONCE. We remember clearly because it was the only lie we lived with. We lied about being together after Sofia's birthday. What ever other lies you know of, you fed yourselves. Or, you just need your stories straight. From the very beginning he was told it was best not to speak to me. He didn't listen, and I didn't resist him. As far as we're concerned, you two are the only ones writhing in your bitterness about us. You kept referring to him as the friend you lost. The friend who walked away. Like he died. And that's the part that pissed me off the most. Because it didn't matter to me what you thought of me. But him? He had no intentions of not being in your lives anymore. He was the only one out of all of us who was willing to make things work. To make it so that he can have both worlds. But you shut him out. You made him feel like he's been so wrong and so awful, when really, he was just trying for everyone. I remember one day after all has settled. He said to me that everything was fine now. He didn't want to be friends with people that couldn't over look something like that anyway. People that couldn't understand his decisions. People that wouldn't stand by his side. And as sad as it made me for him to give up, I was proud of him for realizing that he didn't deserve that.
And yes, I was absolutely going to fight for him anyway. You know, I never understand how you two couldn't empathize with us. Couldn't understand where we were coming from. I mean, let's just think back in the beginning of YOUR relationship. Do YOU remember keeping him a secret? Do you remember the people that resented the fact that you two were together? Do you remember sticking together, caring about no one else' opinions and fighting for each other just because you knew that it was worth it? You didn't let anyone get in between what you two knew you had. So where exactly... I would love to know. Where exactly did you two come up with resenting us?
You're right. We would have come beautifully, and we did. But the struggles that we faced only came from you. No one else slapped US in our faces than your words of resentment. It's funny 'cause... I remember I was the one who resented your relationship with your boyfriend. When I'd resented him so much I couldn't bare it. But that was then. That was when you were the most important person in my life. And you knew that. Oh and, if he claims I never apologized to him, maybe you should ask again. Refer to one summer a few years ago while you were away in San Diego and I mustered up all the balls I had to apologize and make peace with your boyfriend. With the person who I knew was the most important person in your life. I apologized for resenting him, and I tried to make my peace. So the claim that I never apologized, please, eat it.
Just remember, you never gave us a chance. Not once. If you think we hurt you so much...because we fought for each other, then think of how much you hurt us...for letting us go, and shutting us out, and making us feel like we're some sick pair...just because you didn't approve. God, to think that I loved you so much. And to think that Raemon wanted so much to hold on to you two. Maybe one day, you two will find in you to actually and personally clear things up with us. Because as much as you think you've passed it, you haven't. Can you even think of anything else I said about it aside from the fact that I was fighting for him? Can you recall any other words I said to you, or even indirectly on my blog about everything that happened? No. But you hovered over us. And just like the very beginning until now, all Rae and I want is to clear it up and make sincere peace with you. But... as your wishes demanded, we're still holding on to your words of goodbye.
I'm sorry that I lost you as a friend, one of my greatest friends. I love you Aiza, you know that. But I won't apologize for what happened because... I've opened my eyes as wide as they would go. And from someone who has made a lot of mistakes, I have owned up to all of them. I owned up to kissing Josh, to hurting Kriszel and Adrian. I even owned up to hurting Dean even if that was just a relationship that couldn't work out. But this won't be one of them. I didn't do anything wrong. I just embraced the only thing I have ever, ever been absolutely certain about. And that's him. If you think that's wrong, then... what can we do about it?
Maybe one day you two will open your hearts and actually make peace with us. I'm just saying, you'll carry this with you until that day. Unless you truly don't care about us. Which is completely false because... let's be honest. You can't fake it. You care about us. You wouldn't have written that or everything else that you publicized. You wouldn't have bothered telling us your goodbyes and putting an effort to leave us if you really don't care about us.
But for now, Raemon and I are happy. And if ever, maybe one day you'll be happy for us two. Just like we're happy for you two, always. To be honest, I did not mean to end this entry like this considering that I was mildly heated. But, we admire you and Brian. As much as you resent us, we still have the utmost respect for you because you are our living proof. You fought for each other, and now, look at what you have. At the end of the day, the two of us admit to ourselves how amazing you two are. So a word of advice from ME, let it go. Bitterness weighs more than anyone will ever admit. Besides, all of us have more in common now than ever before.
It's 8 something pm and I was informed that you wrote about me again. Mind you, I no longer keep myself updated with your life because, I never saw a reason to anymore. We're done, isn't that what you said? But this time, I was curious. And so I gave your blog my attention. To my partial surprise, it was written directly to me. Not even him or us. ME. Now the disclaimer eased me at first. You didn't want to be bitter. Yes? But who exactly did you want to read something that was clearly for me?
I never had my closure with you. I would've. But I didn't have my chance. All the times I wanted to meet with you just to clear things out... God I kind of feel pathetic when I think about it now. I cared so much about you. But you cut me off before I even had the chance. Just like you, I guess I'll publicize.
Let's get this straight first. You...the two of you. You shut US out. And we lied, yes. ONCE. We remember clearly because it was the only lie we lived with. We lied about being together after Sofia's birthday. What ever other lies you know of, you fed yourselves. Or, you just need your stories straight. From the very beginning he was told it was best not to speak to me. He didn't listen, and I didn't resist him. As far as we're concerned, you two are the only ones writhing in your bitterness about us. You kept referring to him as the friend you lost. The friend who walked away. Like he died. And that's the part that pissed me off the most. Because it didn't matter to me what you thought of me. But him? He had no intentions of not being in your lives anymore. He was the only one out of all of us who was willing to make things work. To make it so that he can have both worlds. But you shut him out. You made him feel like he's been so wrong and so awful, when really, he was just trying for everyone. I remember one day after all has settled. He said to me that everything was fine now. He didn't want to be friends with people that couldn't over look something like that anyway. People that couldn't understand his decisions. People that wouldn't stand by his side. And as sad as it made me for him to give up, I was proud of him for realizing that he didn't deserve that.
And yes, I was absolutely going to fight for him anyway. You know, I never understand how you two couldn't empathize with us. Couldn't understand where we were coming from. I mean, let's just think back in the beginning of YOUR relationship. Do YOU remember keeping him a secret? Do you remember the people that resented the fact that you two were together? Do you remember sticking together, caring about no one else' opinions and fighting for each other just because you knew that it was worth it? You didn't let anyone get in between what you two knew you had. So where exactly... I would love to know. Where exactly did you two come up with resenting us?
You're right. We would have come beautifully, and we did. But the struggles that we faced only came from you. No one else slapped US in our faces than your words of resentment. It's funny 'cause... I remember I was the one who resented your relationship with your boyfriend. When I'd resented him so much I couldn't bare it. But that was then. That was when you were the most important person in my life. And you knew that. Oh and, if he claims I never apologized to him, maybe you should ask again. Refer to one summer a few years ago while you were away in San Diego and I mustered up all the balls I had to apologize and make peace with your boyfriend. With the person who I knew was the most important person in your life. I apologized for resenting him, and I tried to make my peace. So the claim that I never apologized, please, eat it.
Just remember, you never gave us a chance. Not once. If you think we hurt you so much...because we fought for each other, then think of how much you hurt us...for letting us go, and shutting us out, and making us feel like we're some sick pair...just because you didn't approve. God, to think that I loved you so much. And to think that Raemon wanted so much to hold on to you two. Maybe one day, you two will find in you to actually and personally clear things up with us. Because as much as you think you've passed it, you haven't. Can you even think of anything else I said about it aside from the fact that I was fighting for him? Can you recall any other words I said to you, or even indirectly on my blog about everything that happened? No. But you hovered over us. And just like the very beginning until now, all Rae and I want is to clear it up and make sincere peace with you. But... as your wishes demanded, we're still holding on to your words of goodbye.
I'm sorry that I lost you as a friend, one of my greatest friends. I love you Aiza, you know that. But I won't apologize for what happened because... I've opened my eyes as wide as they would go. And from someone who has made a lot of mistakes, I have owned up to all of them. I owned up to kissing Josh, to hurting Kriszel and Adrian. I even owned up to hurting Dean even if that was just a relationship that couldn't work out. But this won't be one of them. I didn't do anything wrong. I just embraced the only thing I have ever, ever been absolutely certain about. And that's him. If you think that's wrong, then... what can we do about it?
Maybe one day you two will open your hearts and actually make peace with us. I'm just saying, you'll carry this with you until that day. Unless you truly don't care about us. Which is completely false because... let's be honest. You can't fake it. You care about us. You wouldn't have written that or everything else that you publicized. You wouldn't have bothered telling us your goodbyes and putting an effort to leave us if you really don't care about us.
But for now, Raemon and I are happy. And if ever, maybe one day you'll be happy for us two. Just like we're happy for you two, always. To be honest, I did not mean to end this entry like this considering that I was mildly heated. But, we admire you and Brian. As much as you resent us, we still have the utmost respect for you because you are our living proof. You fought for each other, and now, look at what you have. At the end of the day, the two of us admit to ourselves how amazing you two are. So a word of advice from ME, let it go. Bitterness weighs more than anyone will ever admit. Besides, all of us have more in common now than ever before.
