"What the hell Angie! So ungrateful!" My goodness, his plan was well enough to make ME seem ungrateful.
I am spoiled. It's bad. I'm getting it bad. I'm losing me. And I can feel him dissolving in me. Or maybe it's me that's just dissolving at all.
Note to self: Get a fucking grip. He.just.loves.you.
Goddamn? Those very words scare the living shit out of me. I just squirm inside, like trying on a new pair of shoes after loving my ripped and torn and amazing Shitties, my trusty 6-year-old Converse'. I am reluctant to let my instincts take the damned lead. I am reluctant to let my guard down. I am fucking reluctant.
I just squirm inside, like when I first let MCR go after I'd translated my all into them, loving them so strange enough that it actually hurt me. But I had to, like I always have to. It always hurts too much when I stick around by myself, waiting for a guitar solo that takes my breath away for some beautiful seconds, then the song ends, and i limply lay, shattered.
That's how it goes everybody, songs end. I'd led myself into making it through by living in the moments. That moments could be perfect on its own, with out the thought of its past or future. It's hard you know, 'cause you're reluctant sometimes. Just so fucking reluctant.
Why it scares the living shit out of me? Because I'm just not ready for it. I can't say it, I can't begin to say it, and I can't say it back. And I never want to tell him something I don't mean. No matter how good he makes me feel..
Sigh.
I just have to tell myself, I've everything I need.
So tell me, is happiness a choice? Because I can take it right now, and forget about everything else. But I tell you, I'm reluctant. So fucking reluctant. Because MCR made their mark on me, my shoes meant something to me, and all that was then can't make it now because of inevitability. Understand what I'm saying?
I need some sign. I need to know if to keep it going forward, and forget about...everything else.
I am spoiled. It's bad. I'm getting it bad. I'm losing me. And I can feel him dissolving in me. Or maybe it's me that's just dissolving at all.
Note to self: Get a fucking grip. He.just.loves.you.
Goddamn? Those very words scare the living shit out of me. I just squirm inside, like trying on a new pair of shoes after loving my ripped and torn and amazing Shitties, my trusty 6-year-old Converse'. I am reluctant to let my instincts take the damned lead. I am reluctant to let my guard down. I am fucking reluctant.
I just squirm inside, like when I first let MCR go after I'd translated my all into them, loving them so strange enough that it actually hurt me. But I had to, like I always have to. It always hurts too much when I stick around by myself, waiting for a guitar solo that takes my breath away for some beautiful seconds, then the song ends, and i limply lay, shattered.
That's how it goes everybody, songs end. I'd led myself into making it through by living in the moments. That moments could be perfect on its own, with out the thought of its past or future. It's hard you know, 'cause you're reluctant sometimes. Just so fucking reluctant.
Why it scares the living shit out of me? Because I'm just not ready for it. I can't say it, I can't begin to say it, and I can't say it back. And I never want to tell him something I don't mean. No matter how good he makes me feel..
Sigh.
I just have to tell myself, I've everything I need.
So tell me, is happiness a choice? Because I can take it right now, and forget about everything else. But I tell you, I'm reluctant. So fucking reluctant. Because MCR made their mark on me, my shoes meant something to me, and all that was then can't make it now because of inevitability. Understand what I'm saying?
I need some sign. I need to know if to keep it going forward, and forget about...everything else.
