Mrs. Lake's class exudes everything that makes me feel summer is here. Her voice, the threshold to her class, the tennisball-ed chairs, and the memories that come along just sitting there. I just felt good in there.
Makayla and I shared an insightful conversation today in Geometry. And I learned something about myself again. But sadly, this new found self-knowledge makes me a little sad. Like I should have always known this, which I'm sure I did, but'd done nothing about it.
17 years of my life and I still am not quite sure who I really am. The influence that I keep soaking up is so impeccably contagious, it's hard to help. Being with someone different every time means I become someone different every time. Some days, I can't even grasp who I was for that day. I tell myself that everyone must have multiple personalities. But I get so sucked in the endlessly changing characters I play, that I must be doing something wrong. I must be all wrong.
Very rarely, I find myself acknowledging the moment when it feels like this is probably me. This is who I am. But like day turns into night, I change. In some sense, I'm getting the feeling that I might be afraid to really be who I am. Even though I continuously make a firm claim on who I know I am, as to who I think I am. It feels like it isn't true, so I have to repeatedly remind myself just to keep my feet on the ground and my head on my shoulders.
Then of course, the concept of my passions tag right along. Do I find my passion when I figure out truly who I am? Or is it the other way around? I find my passion, and bam, there I am. Maybe? Maybe I've even found it, just not fully acknowledged it. Maybe?
The Seaching for Oneself Crisis.
Like always, I'm only ever certain of one thing. That's all I can fit in me anyway, at the moment.
In this place, I thought I'd lost.
They thought they'd lost,
We thought we'd all lost.
In this place, no one relinquishes,
No, not ever really.
Makayla and I shared an insightful conversation today in Geometry. And I learned something about myself again. But sadly, this new found self-knowledge makes me a little sad. Like I should have always known this, which I'm sure I did, but'd done nothing about it.
17 years of my life and I still am not quite sure who I really am. The influence that I keep soaking up is so impeccably contagious, it's hard to help. Being with someone different every time means I become someone different every time. Some days, I can't even grasp who I was for that day. I tell myself that everyone must have multiple personalities. But I get so sucked in the endlessly changing characters I play, that I must be doing something wrong. I must be all wrong.
Very rarely, I find myself acknowledging the moment when it feels like this is probably me. This is who I am. But like day turns into night, I change. In some sense, I'm getting the feeling that I might be afraid to really be who I am. Even though I continuously make a firm claim on who I know I am, as to who I think I am. It feels like it isn't true, so I have to repeatedly remind myself just to keep my feet on the ground and my head on my shoulders.
Then of course, the concept of my passions tag right along. Do I find my passion when I figure out truly who I am? Or is it the other way around? I find my passion, and bam, there I am. Maybe? Maybe I've even found it, just not fully acknowledged it. Maybe?
The Seaching for Oneself Crisis.
Like always, I'm only ever certain of one thing. That's all I can fit in me anyway, at the moment.
In this place, I thought I'd lost.
They thought they'd lost,
We thought we'd all lost.
In this place, no one relinquishes,
No, not ever really.
PS, Infinite tomorrow
