On phone calls

Every time I hang up the phone with a rock sitting on my chest, the word "disconnected" (displayed on the screen of my phone) starts to give me the nastiest stink eye. Just a glance of it makes the rock weigh heavier. It also screams at me as if to give me a lecture but fails to lecture and just winds up swearing and taking me on a guilt trip. After, the second word lands itself on my fucking lawn. "Distant." Then that guilt trip settles in and I am sitting there or laying on my belly (because I often like to lay on my belly), thinking of how easy it would be to turn back and connect the disconnected so I wouldn't be so distant. I'm not trying here. But I'm also not trying. I think I may have forgotten how to talk. Shit.