I'm alone in my room again. Nothing significant happened today. In fact, the day passed so quickly that I found myself home watching The Cable Guy, thinking whether or not I should come back to school to the people that I love. But I'd forgotten that today was a short day. So I stayed here.
One of my favorite things: Alone time.
On days like these, when my friends are out and about, and my man is doing his thing, I like being home with my music. I like sitting on the porch until my arse hurts. I like grunting about the motorcycles that speed by obnoxiously. I like guessing whether the next passerby will wave back to me, or ignore me like the majority of them. I like singing songs in my head that get me so into it that I end up singing out loud. I love it when someone familiar texts me to say that they see me porch monkeying.
Sometimes, I like to lay on the couch, pretending I'd fallen asleep. When really, I'm daydreaming about Adrian. And before I know it, I really do fall asleep. Sometimes I wake up to his calls saying that he's stopping by. Sometimes I wake up and it's dinner time. Sometimes I wake up, and another face is just staring at me, wondering how long I'd been asleep. And sometimes, I wake up and I have an errand to run.
The best part about being alone is thinking about everyone. And thinking about how...I'm not just infinitely complete. I'm not just joyously happy. I'm balanced. I'm centered. I am not driven to insecurities, insanity, and doubt. My best friends, my man, they don't make me feel like I'm crazy. They don't drive me to do crazy things or be crazymadbitchthatthrowsafitabouteverythingandpicksfightsandthinksselfishlyandclosemindedly Or even be mad, or upset, or sad, or anything negative about any damn thing because I don't want to miss any time. I just feel good about myself. No weight on my shoulders.
I found my right balance now. My better kind of peace. My better kind of aches. My better kind of love.
I keep thinking to myself, what if I'd found myself earlier before? Where I am now, this is the change that I always just dreamt to be. This is the change that I always put on my list before summer began. To "change, be better" I used to write. Everything that has happened the past years of my life, when I used to feel like the sickest person on the face of this place, well it's all worth it now. Where I am now is the best place anyone could be.
This is the peak of happiness, and it's not wearing off.
I PUKE FLOWERS AND BUTTERFLIES.
Hand in glove
The sun shines out of our behinds
No, it's not like any other love
This one is different - because it's us
Hand in glove
We can go wherever we please
And everything depends upon
How near you stand to me
And if the people stare
Then the people stare
Oh, I really don't know and I really don't care
On days like these, when my friends are out and about, and my man is doing his thing, I like being home with my music. I like sitting on the porch until my arse hurts. I like grunting about the motorcycles that speed by obnoxiously. I like guessing whether the next passerby will wave back to me, or ignore me like the majority of them. I like singing songs in my head that get me so into it that I end up singing out loud. I love it when someone familiar texts me to say that they see me porch monkeying.
Sometimes, I like to lay on the couch, pretending I'd fallen asleep. When really, I'm daydreaming about Adrian. And before I know it, I really do fall asleep. Sometimes I wake up to his calls saying that he's stopping by. Sometimes I wake up and it's dinner time. Sometimes I wake up, and another face is just staring at me, wondering how long I'd been asleep. And sometimes, I wake up and I have an errand to run.
The best part about being alone is thinking about everyone. And thinking about how...I'm not just infinitely complete. I'm not just joyously happy. I'm balanced. I'm centered. I am not driven to insecurities, insanity, and doubt. My best friends, my man, they don't make me feel like I'm crazy. They don't drive me to do crazy things or be crazymadbitchthatthrowsafitabouteverythingandpicksfightsandthinksselfishlyandclosemindedly Or even be mad, or upset, or sad, or anything negative about any damn thing because I don't want to miss any time. I just feel good about myself. No weight on my shoulders.
I found my right balance now. My better kind of peace. My better kind of aches. My better kind of love.
I keep thinking to myself, what if I'd found myself earlier before? Where I am now, this is the change that I always just dreamt to be. This is the change that I always put on my list before summer began. To "change, be better" I used to write. Everything that has happened the past years of my life, when I used to feel like the sickest person on the face of this place, well it's all worth it now. Where I am now is the best place anyone could be.
This is the peak of happiness, and it's not wearing off.
I PUKE FLOWERS AND BUTTERFLIES.
Hand in glove
The sun shines out of our behinds
No, it's not like any other love
This one is different - because it's us
Hand in glove
We can go wherever we please
And everything depends upon
How near you stand to me
And if the people stare
Then the people stare
Oh, I really don't know and I really don't care
