Slow Dance
Today I realized that I've got a lot of love to give. More love than I could walk around with on a daily basis. I wake up every bloody day with out a purpose and I do as I do because I'm supposed to. And I tell myself I haven't got but an emptiness. But really, I can love so much that it could kill me. I know this much.
I'd forgotten that I am so very capable of loving someone with everything that I have. I have once before. But now I'm scared and a coward. I just don't want to give my love away to anyone. I want it to be right. And right now, it's telling me to give it to someone who I know doesn't love me, probably never loved me, and never will. But right now, I can't choose who I love. I just do. It's painful really. Because now, I've got to walk around with this heavy heart and these tearing aches. All I can do now is wait. Wait till someone that I'll care more about will come around. And that's the only way I could stop loving the person I love. Until then, I've got to be patient.
I just want to love someone, with out fear, with out holding back, with out the scars and bitterness that I hold from a love that has shattered me before. A friend of mine said, "Not everyone is as judgmental as you think." And the statement startled me. Because I care so much. And I am so aware. I've become over-protective of myself.
All I know is... if I can't be patient, then I won't make it out of this. I have gotten out of it before, I can do it again. Just because this love right now is unrequited, doesn't mean the next one will be too.
I'm feeling hopeful today.
I'd forgotten that I am so very capable of loving someone with everything that I have. I have once before. But now I'm scared and a coward. I just don't want to give my love away to anyone. I want it to be right. And right now, it's telling me to give it to someone who I know doesn't love me, probably never loved me, and never will. But right now, I can't choose who I love. I just do. It's painful really. Because now, I've got to walk around with this heavy heart and these tearing aches. All I can do now is wait. Wait till someone that I'll care more about will come around. And that's the only way I could stop loving the person I love. Until then, I've got to be patient.
I just want to love someone, with out fear, with out holding back, with out the scars and bitterness that I hold from a love that has shattered me before. A friend of mine said, "Not everyone is as judgmental as you think." And the statement startled me. Because I care so much. And I am so aware. I've become over-protective of myself.
All I know is... if I can't be patient, then I won't make it out of this. I have gotten out of it before, I can do it again. Just because this love right now is unrequited, doesn't mean the next one will be too.
I'm feeling hopeful today.
