Every night,

I have the same routine of thoughts.

I think about the same people. The ones I've hurt the most. The ones who have hurt me the most. The ones that have loved me, have tried for me. And the only ones that I've ever really let in. And as the night gets later and my eyes blink heavier, everyone blends together and sometimes fall under the same category. At some point, you've loved me. And I've done something, anything horribly wrong to lose it all.

There have been several moments in my life when I've had everything I could possibly need. I've reached the peak of my completion and happiness. But I've also put my money where my mouth is, and I've been stupid. And it all slips away.

I am the reason of my own unhappiness. I put myself in situations where I have to grope for life, to feel something impossible, to ask for something that's never to be mine. And I never open my eyes enough to see that it'll all be alright even with out me trying so hard.

I try so hard to keep myself from being myself. The more I try to be someone I'm not just so I wouldn't have to accept the shit that I'm supposed to accept, the more I lose myself. And I lose the people that come along with myself.

I had it all. I fucking had it all.

Everyday, you're one step further away from me. The only thing that I can't bear even thinking about...

And I don't think you'll ever get that.