Friday, March 27, 2009

4:13 Dream

Okio, I've seen this on two blogs, and I just feel like doing it now. Since the literate and intellectual part of my brain is a little dead lately..

TEN Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People.
1) I love it when you make pasta for lunch. I love it when I wake up and you've made your coffee and your plate of finished breakfast is still on the table. I love it when I don't have to eat Chinese take out for lunch for two straight days because you have work and so does he. I love knowing that the house isn't as empty as it is every other weekend. I love it when you're home.


2) I say your name more than I say anyone else's name. I just have a complete sense of security when I call your name because you always respond and you always hear me. No one has stayed longer than you have to see me peek my head out of this hole I've been digging myself out of. I love you..so much.


3) I really miss you, you know. The happy sun is waving hello to me and it just reminds me of our 24/7 company last year when I'd brought myself back together and listened to the most painful sound or ride shot gun or waste money like we royally exist. I know you think you're a bad friend, but you're the best to me. We just have a lot going on right now, you know?


4) I go to sleep looking up at the shadow of the dreamcatcher. I wake up blinking to the sight of that feathery yellow that patiently waited for me all night. Or so that's how it seems. There is no other ache like the mark that you've left in my heart. We never really have to say anything at all. As long as our eyes will find their way to meet at any moments of our lives, I am happy. As long as my heart melts when your scent passes by me, I am happy. As long as I can listen to a painful song, want to cry, and think about you, I am happy. As long as I still matter somewhere inside you, I am happy.. I don't think this world has any idea how much I really love you.


5) You're not home right now, but I just wish I could tell you at this very moment to stop wearing my white fuzzy slippers. You've already contaminated my pink ones with your nasty feet sweat, and I really don't want to lose the white ones either. By the way, you made the computer bat cave smell really repulsive. That's why I bare with this shitty laptop. I feel like listening to The Honorary Title. It's just so sunny.


6) I had a lot of fun with you yesterday. I know it was the first we've spoken since this year began, but it doesn't take much to bring old friends back together. I just realize how different we were when we'd first met, who we were, what we did, what we loved, in comparison to who we are now. And I'm glad to know that the radical changes didn't necessarily mean it would be a tougher friendship. Because it's so damn easy.


7) Sometimes I still think about going to college in San Diego with you beacuse that's exactly what we spoke of back in 8th grade. And I loved the things we talked about because we have such great chemistry! We don't scheme anymore and we don't really have insane plans anymore. We don't have lip piercings, and we don't have tattoos of the "chaotic heart" stamped on us somewhere. But I love you just the same.


8) The card that you gave me for my birthday takes so much space in my room that it's cruel. I want to see you so badly on your birthday that I just might. One day, you'll have a wonderful boy to make mama Ange proud. One day, I'll get to hear you tell me how happy you are with all the sincerity that fits your giant heart. I hate thinking about our "dark year" back in freshman because it makes me believe I'm going to hell. How you could possibly have forgiven me is tremendous of you. I love you!


9) Right now, I feel a little upset with you, and you know it too. I know I'm being insane right now but I was just so excited to spend the sun's love with you today that my heart sank to my ass and now I'm sitting here wishing I could see you. But if there is anything that I'd really want to say to you right now, it's that... I know I've still yet to really say it to your face that I love you. I took the first step though! I put it on paper and hoped the best. I am always good on paper. But it's scary for me. You have no idea how much you scare me. I'm doing things I said I wouldn't. Saying things I said I wouldn't. And I'm falling in love like I never intended. I hate you.


10) I want to thank you. I want to tell you to keep loving her with all you have. I want to tell you that since you are who she wants, then give her your absolute best beacause she doesn't deserve anything less than the prime. Anything less and the respect that I've found for you might obliterate again.


NINE things about myself.
1) The sun puts my pieces back together and I feel the most alive. The sun makes me feel everything that matters.
2) I really don't know how songs do this to me, but music is my biggest influence. You don't know anything that matters about me unless you realize what music is to me.
3) I like movies that incorporate fate. What Dreams May Come. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless. Wriscutters.
4) When I see pretty brown eyes, I have to tell that person that they have pretty brown eyes.
5) I like to wear an accessory with someone, with people that matter to me. It's a nice way to think about them during the day.
6) One day, I want to have my own house. A white house. I want a garden, I want a swing set, I want shelves of vinyls, I want a grand piano [though I don't even play or will ever], and I want a nice porch.
7) The sound of guitars is an incredible kind of pain to me. Just the sight of it is fucking..MM.
8) My love gets really intense. I think that's why I'm so afraid to say it sometimes.
9) I like to be able to open my own doors, pull out my own chair, pay for my own meal or others', hold my own books, and take initiative.


EIGHT ways to win my heart.
1) If you're verbally or musically or literately eloquent, you've already got me.
2) Manners matter, folks.
3) Give me something to wear.
4) Appreciate my cold hands, or the strangeness of my feet.
5) Confidence is sexy.
6) If you know the real kind of romance.
7) Talk to me beyond the small talk range. I am a listener.
8) Be clever, be crafty. Sense of humor can always win a heart. But if you can brood as intense as you can make me laugh, oh man, head over heels.

SEVEN things that cross my mind a lot.
1) My future.
2) My words.
3) My music.
4) My love(s).
5) Badminton.
6) Fate.
7) The past.

SIX things I do before I fall asleep
1) Shower
2) Wait if petit copain will call.
3) Decide on calling TRy if he doesn't.
4) Turn off the lights, and on with the night light.
5) Crawl under the covers.
6) Look up, think, and wait for sleep.

FIVE people who mean a lot. Not in order (Exclude family.)
1) Tyler
2) Nikki
3) Josh
4) Dean
5) And of course Bella.

FOUR things you’re wearing right now.
1) A shirt
2) Cache Creek jammies
3) Tyring
4) and Creature.

THREE songs that you listen to often.
1) Stolen - Dashboard [Lately]
2) Deja Vu - Yeah Yeah Yeah's [Lately, my before-the-game song]
3) After An Afternoon - Jason Mraz [I never let myself listen to it anymore, but when I do I play it all day and not even get tired of it]

TWO things you want to do before you die.
1) Own my white house.
2) Let the world know..

ONE Confession:
1) Don't Confess - Tegan and Sara

ARCHIVE, FUCKERS (for Ace-like purposes)