I feel like I weigh heavier than I ever have. The slump of my shoulders, the dragging of my heels and soles. My limbs swinging beside me as I try to regain some clarity.
I can always stand my ground. I can always keep on my own feet. We are a storm, I said. But when the calm never comes and we fall down in our own demise, I remain planted. I protect us. I save us. I fight for us. I clean up the messes that aren't mine. All by myself...
Disappointment doesn't consume. It doesn't ascend. It doesn't progress or move. It doesn't talk. It doesn't scream or make any sound at all. It doesn't set on fire or crawl under your skin.
Disappointment is a rock. A weight. It sits and lays and silently stays very still. It never looks at you in the eye because it doesn't have the capacity. Disappointment is a weight. A conspicuous silence that needs not to do a single thing to cause an ache in your chest and to hollow it empty.
I will take anger. Sadness. Shame. Apathy. Emptiness. And confusion. As long as this disappointment leaves me. Alone. As I have been.
I can always stand my ground. I can always keep on my own feet. We are a storm, I said. But when the calm never comes and we fall down in our own demise, I remain planted. I protect us. I save us. I fight for us. I clean up the messes that aren't mine. All by myself...
Disappointment doesn't consume. It doesn't ascend. It doesn't progress or move. It doesn't talk. It doesn't scream or make any sound at all. It doesn't set on fire or crawl under your skin.
Disappointment is a rock. A weight. It sits and lays and silently stays very still. It never looks at you in the eye because it doesn't have the capacity. Disappointment is a weight. A conspicuous silence that needs not to do a single thing to cause an ache in your chest and to hollow it empty.
I will take anger. Sadness. Shame. Apathy. Emptiness. And confusion. As long as this disappointment leaves me. Alone. As I have been.
