You'd think that after spending more time together, after graduating from seeing each other every week to every other day to every day that we would find it in ourselves to get tired and get bored. But lately, it's been getting more difficult not being together.
"I've never been used to sleeping next to anyone. This is crazy. I finished texting you, rolled over, and thought you were there for a split second. My legs were looking to get tangled in yours." And there it was. After reading those words, there was the aching in my chest that longed to be near him, always. I thought I knew what it was like to be engulfed and consumed by my yearning for someone. But no one was ever Rae. And I have never been better. And no one else was ever mine. How can you continue to endlessly want someone who is already yours? And I held you closer than anyone could ever get. No words are enough. Time is never enough. Even the physicality of it all fails to convey and express the truth of what became our existence.
When I close my eyes, the only things that flash before me are things that relate to you. I only hear your voice and the words of love, adoration, affinity, and secrets that we whisper to each other when trying to fall asleep at night, straining our eyes in the dark to see the glimmer in each other, even if it meant our eyes will jump out of their sockets. I only feel your hands making circles on my back or your lips pressed against my forehead or your face buried into my hair or my fingers memorizing the trace of your eyebrows. I only recognize your scent. The warm sweetness of your neck and your hair and your cheeks. And I feel as if there isn't anything I can do but wrap myself around you tighter or bury myself in your chest so you can keep me. When I breathe you in, I can tangibly feel the happiness and beauty that we have both created and sometimes I feel the sting in my eyes and I have to grab on to you to remember that this ache is alright and that we are supposed to be exactly where we are now. That our bodies have formed to match each other. That I no longer felt complete laying alone in a bed too big for me. And before the sting in my eyes could become anything more, I'll hear you sniffle and know that you have always known and you can't help but fight to keep your eyes dry too. Sometimes I think...we are so stupid and lame and are so much like slaves for how we feel that all we can do is look deeply into each other's eyes, hold each other, and cry. And then I laugh because it's so ridiculous and stupid but so good and so beautiful and I can't help but maybe die a little of overwhelming happiness.
I said I didn't want to be a cliche. But if I have something beautiful. If we are beautiful. And if my heart aches in ways I never thought possible for a man with his arms stretched out wide for me, waiting for me, and longing for me... then I don't really care how ridiculous I sound. I have something that people cry about, dream about, and would live and die for. I have never been so ready for anything in my life.
"I've never been used to sleeping next to anyone. This is crazy. I finished texting you, rolled over, and thought you were there for a split second. My legs were looking to get tangled in yours." And there it was. After reading those words, there was the aching in my chest that longed to be near him, always. I thought I knew what it was like to be engulfed and consumed by my yearning for someone. But no one was ever Rae. And I have never been better. And no one else was ever mine. How can you continue to endlessly want someone who is already yours? And I held you closer than anyone could ever get. No words are enough. Time is never enough. Even the physicality of it all fails to convey and express the truth of what became our existence.
When I close my eyes, the only things that flash before me are things that relate to you. I only hear your voice and the words of love, adoration, affinity, and secrets that we whisper to each other when trying to fall asleep at night, straining our eyes in the dark to see the glimmer in each other, even if it meant our eyes will jump out of their sockets. I only feel your hands making circles on my back or your lips pressed against my forehead or your face buried into my hair or my fingers memorizing the trace of your eyebrows. I only recognize your scent. The warm sweetness of your neck and your hair and your cheeks. And I feel as if there isn't anything I can do but wrap myself around you tighter or bury myself in your chest so you can keep me. When I breathe you in, I can tangibly feel the happiness and beauty that we have both created and sometimes I feel the sting in my eyes and I have to grab on to you to remember that this ache is alright and that we are supposed to be exactly where we are now. That our bodies have formed to match each other. That I no longer felt complete laying alone in a bed too big for me. And before the sting in my eyes could become anything more, I'll hear you sniffle and know that you have always known and you can't help but fight to keep your eyes dry too. Sometimes I think...we are so stupid and lame and are so much like slaves for how we feel that all we can do is look deeply into each other's eyes, hold each other, and cry. And then I laugh because it's so ridiculous and stupid but so good and so beautiful and I can't help but maybe die a little of overwhelming happiness.
I said I didn't want to be a cliche. But if I have something beautiful. If we are beautiful. And if my heart aches in ways I never thought possible for a man with his arms stretched out wide for me, waiting for me, and longing for me... then I don't really care how ridiculous I sound. I have something that people cry about, dream about, and would live and die for. I have never been so ready for anything in my life.
