I will never be over it.
I'd been escaping coming home, but every time I try and stay out for as long as I can, I run out of places to be.
Tonight, I chose Bean Scene, previously Bay St (RIP, OH GOD). Upon ordering a mediocre ass tuna melt, a mediocre ass salad, and an average ass earl grey, I was informed that the establishment closes at eight pm. Mind that I arrived fifteens minutes before said time. I do recall my mouth actually flying open in reaction to such an absurd closing hour. So, I took my order to-go and again realized that I have no where else to be. Listen--let me divulge my current whereabouts. I'm sitting outside of Bean Scene with my mediocre ass meal, eating on the patio furniture, in the dark. It's relatively uncommon to find people dining alone in public, especially someone of my age and appearance (shout out to that xx chromosome). Already I'm receiving these half-pitying, half-suspicious glances from a number of passersby. Typically, being glanced at with such vague judgment by all these strangers would bother me to the point of muttering my profanities (but not quite enough to be uncomfortable). But I'm sitting here--slouching really--shoveling plants in my mouth and chomping on a sandwich like the smug scoundrel that I am. I'm eating a salad for fuck's sake and I can barely see a thing. This is a good fucking night. But the thing is, I never understand the kind of unease that comes with seeing some stranger eating alone in public. This is, by far, one of my favorite pastimes. I happen to like sitting in solitude without really having to be bothered with conversation. Maybe I'm growing more attracted to the sort of presumptions that come with seeing someone eat alone. I like seeing that look on their faces. Like they can't grasp what the fuck it is I'm doing here, sitting quietly, pouncing on my meal. I really do get smug about it. As if no one else around has a company better than my own company (shout out to Me, Myself, and I by Beyonce).
I miss Bay St. but I'm glad I'm sitting here, squinting down at my salad and sandwich.
PS. I heard through the grapevine that a Starbucks is opening next door. Thoughts? Jesus fucking Christ.
