episodes

I reach this point where I lose my shit and gain consciousness again when I'm already having another mental breakdown. They've been harder to control lately. Actually, I haven't been able to control them at all. My graves are officially out and about, and they come out of me like explosive diarrhea. It's hard and fast and I'm very much uncontrollably frustrated and incoherent almost. I hate myself for it every time, but I'm too stupid not to get drunk. Because then I'd be miserably sober. But it's stupid because I also become a miserable drunk. So I'm really just miserable. And now I am miserably writing about being miserable. I shouldn't have talked to God that one time. It really fucked me up.