For the passed few days, I have been meaning to sit the fuck down and get my thoughts together. I mean, create something new. But I was at Berkeley today for clinicals and I can actually feel the exhaustion melting out of me. In fact, I can feel the exhaustion of the passed few months just spilling out of my body. Weekends are becoming more brief than the last. My constant need for more time in the day has never before been so insistent. Now that I have no time to spare, I crave the ease of doing nothing. When I had time to read books of my liking and write things out of utter boredom. Although, I must say, I turn myself on with this inexplicable infidel-reminiscent yearning to write. Ever since I decided to become a nurse and have run out of time to exist as myself, I get these unpredictable bursts of streaming ideas and I write them the fuck down. They're not all good but I end up stealing away study time just to finish certain pieces that get me caught up. Yeee, it feels like I'm cheating on my own life. Being in this nursing program is like being engaged to a girl that I knocked up. Writing is like the one that got away but I somehow met again after I'd already been engaged. Right now, I feel like I'm cheating on my fiancee with the one that got away. I'm reaching that point where I'm torn between staying with my fiancee because we are about to have a kid and it's the right thing to do or leave my fiancee before I go through with the wedding and be happy with the one that got away. But I'm too much of a coward to make a decision so I'm just dickriding on the simple and nearly-satisfying pleasure of stealing time with my Great White Buffalo. It's exciting, ok. And I don't know how this got so fucking gay but...
ye.
