thirteen billion years ago

This friendship has survived catastrophes

A+ for horrible people being friends till the end

Sorry about the sleeping

Last night my pals and I ranked all my exes from least fuckboy to most fuckboy. That's the moment I realized that I'm sickeningly done with heterosexuality. That's it. I'm grossed out and passed all the dick. Every single one of them was a fuckboy. It depressed me into premature slumber. I'm in this bizarre stage in my life where I shudder at the memory of having a fuckboy penis inside me. Shuddering right now, as I type this.

Thousand apologies to younger me for not knowing better. For not realizing you deserve so much more than the track record of goodie guys with average dick.

The next time you see me with some dumbass Filipino guy, check if I still have a pulse. (I bet I won't).

shit head

I can feel my tiny little gay heart attempting to sink its teeth into one of those fucking deadly ones with the vicious, glistening smiles that ask me for my insides.

Through denial, I would buy a lung infection for this.

head tilts toward apathy

i felt nothing at the sight of it.

Finally.

lucky sake

Nothing feels better than being a server to all the lesbians. They tip better than the best tip I've ever had. Wink, bitch.

One Ariana Grande song getting stuck in my head post-work is one too many Ariana Grande songs getting stuck in my head at all.

"Have you ever felt numb with contempt?" ..was my moment to shine who I truly am, even for just a moment. I am the nefarious one. 

I will not regret playing favorites between coworkers. I like the ones who bare their teeth.

But I give a half more shit when the kitchen staff gets pissed off.

I might be sorry about the server-complex that I am starting to develop. Still more sorry about the lactose intolerance that I have certainly developed.

Maybe we can't be friends. I'd feel too bad.