my trouble with people is that there are certain instances when i cannot tell apart someone from someone else. i confuse the purpose and cause of occurred/occurring relations. (i can't even continue this thought because i can't grasp what point i'm trying to get across. i just know there's something i want to get across). my trouble is that beyond the levels of connection, everybody begins to mesh with each other. that's my trouble. there's a hierarchy of importance/significance, isn't there? whether unsaid or declared. my priorities regarding everyone had been before solid and certain. but as years pass and drifting comes more naturally, everyone becomes everyone. yet i'm still uncomfortable with the idea that everyone is everyone. you should always be able to set apart where your heart lies from where it doesn't. but lately, time has been silly and i'm beginning to claw at how dispensable anybody is. i'm as dispensable as the next. passed significance and inevitable heart breaks, passed disappointments and so-called broken promises, there'll come a point when anything and anybody is no longer necessary. to quote somebody i share the same genetics with (my sister, if you just can't figure), "When you're having a good day, just remember, there's only one to a coffin." That's not cynicism. I won't classify that into cynicism. It's an imminence that shouldn't necessarily string along contempt. in attempt to word this more simply, anybody can and may or may not be anybody.
(this is poorly thought out and i don't think i was able to express what i wanted to. but it's in there, in the ether of my dome, my thoughts and suspicions about life and people. i just can't quite get it out yet. i gabbed on because i wanted to get the idea out. i'm undergoing my personal transitions regarding all my relationships because i let everybody drive me fucking mad. i'll finish what my trouble is another time, perhaps once i've reached a sort of revelation with myself [pff].)
