tired of

sad.

Somehow it all should just stop, right? I'm currently making several playlists for Ace because ...just because we've been sharing mixes since we were in the nutsack. But just this very simple task is annoyingly terrible to get through. I created this specific mix, a GOOD DAY MIX and I was suddenly washed over with its fucking irony. I created it for a happy day and somehow it led me to all the nostalgic songs we listened to when we were all happy. And all this shit that's supposed to make you happy when you hear it...is making me fucking sad. I didn't even realize that I've been avoiding all these songs because I don't know how to listen to them. I physically...literally...do not know how to listen to them anymore. How fucking lame is that. 

I forget how depressed I get when I'm not busy with school. Stuck in my room. Sulking. I'm supposed to grow the fuck up. Am I OK?

Whatever. I miss my friends. I'm a gay. 

pervert

After a shitty cup of coffee, I looked into porn for inspiration. Because that's what we do with porn. We inspire ourselves. 

Anyway, not that this is only coming to my attention now, but I feel the need to whine and shit. For the passed several weeks, I have been getting into intros of new shorts. I mean really getting into it. And they all sound promising and quite lovely but I never get passed the intros. I now have a handful of stories that I began and abandoned (momentarily, maybe). I always think, 'Yes, this is the one. THIS. IS. THE ONE.' And I write away, getting clever and creative but never quite brilliant enough. I'm onto my god-knowstieth story when the thought of my inability to execute and finish a story really bummed me out. Very rarely could I come out of my hole alive and successful. Sad. Sad fucker. It's like someone making a good first impression only to realize that after getting to know that someone, they're a sick sack of fucked up. Disappointing and unsatisfying. Maybe that's thinking too highly of my shit. 

Whatever. I could always just go and inspire myself. 

I...

...never finished posting all the NY photos. Maybe another life.

If you're even that lucky.

i would like to be
a dead
cat.