1 part stable, 2 parts sprung

My chest is swollen.

I am both devastated and elated. Things feel eerily fine right now.

But I am also very suddenly aware of this overwhelming desire to be a better person.

ss rough

I didn't know I was looking for someone who will massage me in return just so I can know their hands.

Red lights flashing.

ss rough

I didn't know I was looking for someone who will massage me in return just so I can know their hands.

Red lights flashing.

ss squeak toy

Third straight morning like this.

My bed is spotted with puppy piss because I keep her cuddled here while I'm dead to the world.

I puked in my trash can then topped it with dog shit.

I'm tired and disoriented and flattered by all the fucked up shit I've been encountering.

You can rest all your pretty little heads on my shoulder and I'll categorize based on scents of your hair.

I can see you can't stop staring.

1 of 2 favorite existence

This is the other thing that keeps me up at night.

ss black out

Woke up with bloody, bruised knuckles and a faint memory of calling out a name

I feel like a teenager tryna spew out about being a teenager.

I spent an entire morning on the phone, dribbling, and letting my dog bite open the wounds on my fingers. She licked off the blood while I professed why I can't think straight. I confessed why I can't sleep at night. And I lied about having regrets that I don't have.

I could've sworn that I swore this off. This is fucking typical.

Kitten the piglet demon monster

My best friend, confidant, partner in play, and nap buddy. 

center bind

there's no comfort like writing on the two pages of the center of a journal. like unloading piss when you've reached a toilet. kind of like that. maybe.

will get squished like an insect

willingly

I get terrified at the thought of my youthful years, my younger years, when alcohol never existed to me. How did I manage these one-on-one dinners with people? How did I manage to converse? How the hell did I manage building friendships and do I want to do that again? I'm panicking.

i get anxious when novels are beyond this size because i know it won't fit my small ass back pocket.

I'M REVOLTING AGAINST THESE SMALL ASS GIRL POCKETS.

ss vile

Currently getting destroyed by my first hopeless, straight girl crush.

There's this cool, sick, pathetic hollowing happening inside me. Like a chill excavation that I'm watching as I sit on my couch; my feet up on the coffee table and my hands clasped behind my head. So this is what hopeless, merciless disappointment feels like.

How could I wear this blank expression so hungrily?