In the past 24-hours, I spent my time sleeping. Yesterday, I had the dullest Friday anyone can ever have. Fox slept, my parents left, RV left, I watched Blithe. I didn't get to call Ian, I didn't text anyone. After I got sick of sleeping, I drowned myself in internet fascination.

And speaking of which, I'd found my Fox on fuckyearprettygirls.tumblr, and I flabbergasted like a retard. I had two thoughts in mind. Either she submitted herself with out telling me, which even in theory sounds far-fetched because she wouldn't just submitted herself with or with out telling me. The other thought was that she doesn't know any more than I do, and then once she wakes up and sees the picture, she'll shit bricks too but will be so flattered.

SO, she called around 8. saw the picture, and well... she shat bricks. And also, she was flattered, And on top of that, she was creeped out as to how they found the picture because her site is private and there was no way a bunch of strangers would find it, and post it, with out her knowing. We also had a theory that Ace submitted it. But that's so highly unlikely.

Well, she's great anyway. Don't you think she's just the most beautiful girl? I'm honored to be in her presence, so that she can grace me with her being amazing. I just lol'd at that.

Anyway, we started dozing off around ten, and then knocked out. I didn't turn off my lights, I didn't close the door, I didn't wake up in time to see Ian's call. I just slept, till 2 something. I woke up freaked out because it was 2 something and my room wasn't set for bed time. And because I had Paranormal running through my brain.

But now, I am all showered, waiting for lunch time so I can head off to Fox's and help her set everything up for firepit tonight. I'm excited.

I think I might need to expand my options when it comes to company. I don't want to miss out on anything. Sometimes I feel like I am. But then there are days when I see that I really haven't. Outside of Adrian and Fox, I don't want to do anything else. This is never good for me. Never good for anyone. It's good to spread out my sources of happiness.

I miss the guys, the group. I miss Tyler, and I miss everything that comes along with it. They seem far away for some reason, but I'm completely aware that if I reach out, they'll reach back. I just feel caught up. I always feel caught up.

And I always miss Snow. I feel like I never get any quality time with her, just for myself. And sometimes, I just want her for myself! Aha. I keep telling myself everything will settle down, and she'll catch a good break, and we'll all be at ease.

I think I upset Ian today. Actually, I know I did. I don't know. I wasn't exactly thinking. I just did, and I always just do. And I don't know what to say...

Majority of my thoughts hover over the upcoming weekend. I'm so stoked for firepit night! I'm always stoked for firepit nights! I love smelling like smoke and gathering around the fire. I get to have all 5 of them (6 if RV included). Halloween will be cute.

I feel like shredding this town at this very moment.

This week has been so boring. Almost everything about it. Dull.

Why is nothing exciting lately?

PS. I'm gonna go get long hair. I'm sick of this hair. I'm so sick of it.

In several days, I'll probably be ready to regurgitate music that I'm compulsively downloading. I get a sense of satisfaction when the bar hits 100%, and then I get to drag it on to the most reliable ipod in the world.

Today was my first day home in quite a long time. I've spent nearly 90% of the past two weeks with Fox. I'm happy when she's happy.

The greatest part about my day was how Adrian let me sleep on him, literally. I was just so tired, and he's just so comfortable. When he left, I crawled pitifully on my bed. And slept till it bled dark out.

Ange : Not Compelled To Blog.

I like to lay here and let you linger after you've hung up the phone. I still hear your voice, and it still gets me on my toes for the next day.
I'm too bad ass honey, but I love you hysterically, and you know it.

500

Days of Summer...

I miss you.

A few of my favorite things:

-Gray days
-Sundays in bed
-My record player
-Coloring
-Eyes
-Secretkeepers
-Infinite.
-Thump thumps
-18 and rebelling out, on the way out.

405

"You keep twisting the truth"

Blogger,

I don't know what to say. Do you know how much has happened? How much has changed? How easily things could fall apart and fall together? I have so much to say, but I won't. Because I can't tell you. And they won't understand. And it all will just get ugly.

I'm going to get myself a hardcover journal... but with lines. Because I can never keep writing in a straight line with out the line. Oh I have so much to say.

I love when I put it in shuffle, and all of the best songs play.

I'm feeling really scattered. I want someone to talk to, and tell all of my secrets. But the right person never comes to me.

Sundays.

I'm laying in bed with The Cure singing to me about summer. It's dark in here with the blinds and with out my night light. I wish someone was here to keep my nerves calm.
I can't get myself to turn off the fan because the sound familiarizes me to sleep.
Through the blinds I can see that the sky outside is red, my favorite. This bed is heaven, but I do like to share this heaven with someone.
Tomorrow is ours.

Boot Camp

I can't help it. This Marines thing is really bringing me down. It makes me so sad, and so scared, and I already miss him so much.

The night of my party, his speech was the only speech that made me cry. If I didn't have the ten pound bouquet covering my face half of the time to stop the water works, I would've been a wreck dead on. My mouth became heavy at the corners, my eyes started to sting, and my heart started sinking. It always hits me. At random times even.

I can't help it. He's my best friend. He's the only that's ever really, consistently been easy, or...made things easier for me. He's my source of ease and security. I can't imagine being so down as long as I know he's my best friend. But knowing he's leaving, it's really killing me. And I have a hard time expressing that to him, because I don't know if I'm supposed to.

All I can do is support him, and hope that things will always be alright, and that he comes home whole every single time. I just don't want anything bad to happen. And I know he's a big boy, and he can take care of himself, I know that. It's just... I don't know, I can't even bring myself to say it.

Summer is far from now. Winter isn't even here yet. But every day is another day closer to that fateful day. And every day my heart breaks a little bit more.

I hate falling asleep thinking of this.

Baby,
When I come home every day, I always know that you're good to me. No matter what I do, and what happens, you still claim me yours, and you still love me the same.
I'm sorry I haven't been around. I'd just been so caught up with things.

I love you, and you know it.

I'm In Trouble Again

"Oh fuck..."

Internet isnt exactly down, I'm just too comfortable to get out of bed.

Last night was the night. It was stressful and hectic and majority of the night I was wishing I was in bed. Still fun.

I thank everyone for coming and my court for putting up with everything. But most importantly I thank my parents for being the best parents.

18 feels nice.

I Just Had The Best Birthday Of My Life

All thanks to all of my best friends.

I have never been that speechless before. I have never felt so vital, so important, so significant, so loved ever. E V E R.

My room is beautiful. My life is beautiful. I wish I can explain in words how I feel, but I really can't. I really can't. This was so unexpected, and so amazing of them. I love this.

I was semi-depressed all week you know? Worried about turning 18. Worried about adding on to my bad birthdays streak. And even at school today I pouted. But I came home, stepped into my room. And seeing how beautiful they've done everything. My bad birthday streak didn't continue this year. Oh my heart...

I owe so many thanks to so many people. My heart is just bursting with joy. This is the best birthday that I have ever had. Ever. And I didn't even cry out of sadness this year, at all. Everyone knows I cry every year. But this year. I am so full of happiness.

All thanks to

Josh Batacan
Joyce Keokham
RV
Taylor Ann Hoover-Hart
Makayla Dias
and of course the mastermind of the operation
Adrian Del Fierro.

And everyone else that contributed to my happiness, thank you so so much.

And of course to all that wished me a happy birthday. All the scattered texts that I received and all of the "Oh it's your birthday?!"

I'd show you pictures, but neh. They did it for ME. So it's mine all mine tonight. And besides, Ace did all the photography/videography therefore I don't have any.

I will sleep a good, 18 year-old sleep tonight. On my new bed! And my new sheets! And my new pillow! Staring at all the pictures! Listening to record player!

I love you all so much.

I'm complete, absolutely and hysterically complete.

I'm staring at balloons and flowers, everything that I didn't want to expect today. And I'm shaking frantically, panicking about something I can't even grasp.

I knew he would; it's a good thing that I'm in love with him. It's a bad thing that he has to deal with me now.

I'm In Awe.

I spent the last day of being seventeen pouring my heart out, like I wasn't afraid of anything at all.

God you're amazing...

Today is my last day to be seventeen. I'm in Ceramics pouting.

Once I pass my birthday I know I'll be happy about this.

Nothing interesting
Nothing interesting
Nothing interesting
Nothing interesting
Nothing interesting

Ange sucks.

A thousand apologies to the man in my life.

This will all be over soon.

Well,

Nothing is as boring as other people's dreams, still true. But I can't get myself to finish this book.

Nothing interesting
Nothing interesting
Nothing interesting
Nothing interesting

I'm getting really bored with everything, I'll be honest. I need something new before I make a mess out of things.

You,

It doesn't feel like we have time at all. And I want to stop and just drop everything for you, but it can't work that way, and I know I have to be patient, and I know I have to keep at it. But this is dragging on, and knowing myself, I tend to start changing.

And you,

We have to start always choosing happiness again. These weekends have been sulked and are worrying me. But undoubtedly, we still have the best times together. We Always Choose Happiness. It's a summer promise.

W.

PS. I love you both dearly.

I'm sitting outside a tiny tiny cafe within SFO.

I know I should be happy but there's something about airports that feel like sadness. It's gray and metallic everywhere, speckled floors with scuff marks and baggage-wheel trails.

This reminds me of when I'd left the Philippines 8 years ago. Arguably one of the saddest moments of my life. And it reminds of two winters ago when I had to leave my life for a little while. Finally, I can't escape the reminder of when Adrian will soon have to leave.

Maybe if I see more of them smile, I'll want to smile too. Or maybe when I see her walking towards us with her luggage, it'll hit me, and I'll burst into smiles.

Damn It.

My parents got creative. The door frames in the hallways are now brown. Motherfucking brown. My room is now accented like it's a happy forest, and RV's looks like mint candy.

This is by far the ugliest idea that my parents have ever had. But they seem to be for it. I am wondering what they were both on when they decided to do this. I feel like I'm in the 70's. Our house lost its simplicity. Now parts of it are just straight up ugly.

Oh god damnit.