Monday, August 31, 2009

We were robbed.

Tamra, Courtney, Fox, my sister, and I were looking at shoes at Valleyfair, sitting around, and chatting casually when my brother called my sister and told her some strangely odd news.

He'd told her that we'd been robbed. Knowing the relationship that my brother and sister have, of course she wouldn't have believed him. So she handed me the phone saying, "Listen to what he's saying. Just listen."

And so I listened. "...we were robbed!"

Me: "What do you mean..."

Him: "Some people robbed our house! Took dad's computer and went through his car."

And so, we were all ...very confused. And very shocked. And very creeped out. Because the duration of when the robbery took place was around the time when Dad and Blithe had just gotten home, and watched TV. Meaning that they we're both home when this all happened, when the two men, wearing dark colors, both Caucasian and/or 'Latino' decided to raid in our garage. What "fucking ballsy mofo's" as Taylor refered to them, considering that it was day time and that the residents were home.

Our ...apparently paranoid neighbors were the pleasant people that reported witnessing the two fuckbags take shit from our garage, reported the police, and informed my father. Unfortunately, a friend of mine Xavier Geddins, decided to pay me a visit around the same time as when the robbery incident occured. And so, my not being home made himself very suspicious. They asked of his name and address, and he should expect an interrogation any time soon. But his descriptions do not match the robbers, and I am very confident that he wouldn't do such a thing.

My parents told me that our neighbors must have been paranoid for quite some time. Because they always report things. Like last summer, when another friend of mine, Joehl Ostil, decided to loiter in front of my house, waiting for me to wake up so he can come in. The neighbors reported him because he obviously made himself look suspicious, wearing a tall black tee, and a black hat. But that incident was completely harmless, and hilarious.

Anyway, mom said that the neighbors might be paranoid because there are always teenage boys coming in and out of our home, and in quote, she thinks that "they might think that they're doing drugs." Of course, that's ridiculous. All my friends stay above the influence, and are all very decent people. It's just strange to me. I never noticed how much people come in and out of my door. The majority of which are males. I suppose..that...would, as a neighbor, have me suspiscious as well? I don't know.

What's important is that everyone is safe. Aside from the now paranoia that has entered my family, we are all fine. I intend on keeping a baseball bat by my bedside now though. The tiny, little knife that I keep...definitely would not match against a robber. Not that this all would ever happen again, but just being cautious now. Oh. And we're no longer having spare keys under the toilet plunge. Fuck that.

I'm slightly paranoid. But disregarding the robbery, I had a rather pleasant day at Santana Row. I forget I like the feeling of being there.

Rik and I are Makayla's and Courtney's right hand men when shopping. I realized that I love shopping for people. I like recommending...and/or even dictating someone what to wear. We were very good at what we did. We accomplished a lot. Courtney will look ahead of the game when she comes back to Walter's as an 8th grader, and well, Makay will look hotter if that's even possible as a senior.

And I'd just like to mention that Makayla has beautiful eyelashes, and eyes! Oh! I'm a generally brown eyes kind of girl, but her eyes! A green circle, with orange exploding in the center. Amazing. My sister and I were watching her from afar. It's very difficult to be envious. We said today that it's difficult being friends with her and Taylor, standing next to them. Because they make us want to kill ourselves. They're lethal together, gorgeous!

This has been a long one.

Tomorrow is the last day of summer.

I love my summer.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Seven Pounds

I finally got around to watching it. It was a nice movie, not too impressive, but nice enough. My heart weighs seven pounds? I could believe that.

Would I ever give my heart to someone? Literally. I think I would, and die? Theoretically, I'm not really in fear of death. It's death. I've thought about death so much that I can imagine more than a hundred ways that I've died in my own thoughts. Don't get me wrong, I'm not suicidal. I just think things.

And how sweet would it be when the person tells people, "Yes, she gave me her heart" and meaning it in literally! Bloody sweet, isn't it?

Hmm. What to say.

I was talking to Ace today about the future. We always talk about the future. All of a sudden, I went on this rant about how I wanted my future to go.
I told her:

Okio Ace, I'll marry Adrian, move to France, and then...YES. Yes, that's my plan.

She says something blah blah counter counter.

Then I realized..I should talk to Adrian before I make these plans. Haaaa?

This all is a fictional thought, please reader, realize this. I don't intend on marrying. Until I can say this to someone:

I'll be yours forever. Just tell me when to start.


Straight forward, and to the point. Alright it's an Honorary Title lyric, but still. It matters.

I'm tired. It's night time and I miss the man in my life.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

The party that my mother dragged my father and me to had lead me to a sequence of daydreams, all of which had me restless and anxious. I sat for.ev.er.

I thought about sex majority of the time.

Haha.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Bring Me To Life

I really don't like that song. The more I resisted, the more he sang with his artificial feminine, tone deaf voice. It was the worst song to sing to someone.

But I nearly wet myself laughing. And he seemed to enjoy my laughter. He kept calling me a douche. And I don't know why, but I thought it was endearing.

I'm usually an irritable bear in the morning. But I was so happy that I even let him come in my room with his shoes on.

:D
Tay: "Oh no I'm Angie"
Makay: "Too much soap, too much soap"
*The finger"
Ange: "Dad's gonna see this video!
...And I'll get shit for it..."

Since I really can't do this montage thing...
Here's a little clip of the torture Taylor put me through.
"One more time!" AWWWW She's cute!



Thursday, August 27, 2009

I felt so sad all of a sudden...

This is why I've been avoiding watching Eternal Sunshine. I just get sad. Really sad. It makes me feel broken. And confused. And lost. And...last winter. Last winter was torture. Last winter was unbelievable. Last winter makes me want to kill myself.

Note to self: Don't watch Eternal Sunshine during the nights.


Meet me in Montauk

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Meet...

My newest eyegasm.



Melanie Laurent
Une actrice francaise.
Elle est Shosanna Dreyfus dans la film, Inglourious Basterds
And she is drop dead gorgeous, literally, as Jabe said.
I reread my previous entry, I...LOLed a few times. I didn't realize how strongly emotional I felt yesterday. Aha I'm absolutely fine now. That was my aggression for the summer.

:D?

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

"It's a birthday gift why not? And I already planned on it...it was the only thing that made sense for me to do" I'm in the strangest state of shock. I feel sick. And queasy. And wrong. And shitty. I can't believe he did that. I can't believe he would. I would wish that he didn't. But this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me... I felt so sick when I read "The Bottom of the Hill." Oh my..? The Honorary Title? Mine? The only thing I know is mine? I'm..I flabbergasted. I was in the theaters, with my crowd, and I was...freaking out. How was I suppose to accept something like that? How was I supposed to react? I don't expect that kind of ...kindness from anyone. And I received it from the one person that would never hurt me...but I hurt the most. CAN YOU BELIEVE MY DUMBASS SELF? I wanted to throw up. I can't even explain the heavy feeling I carried from then. I was speechless, literally speechless. Even after he called me to further explain things, I stammered for words. I couldn't say thank you because it didn't seem enough. I couldn't reply back because I didn't know what to say. I just know I don't deserve it. But I have it. And I'm so...fucking... I mean why? Augh, why? It's torture really. Like...the perfect payback for the shitty self that I am. But I know it's not like that. He just is...far too fucking nice. I can't take it. It's terrible. I'M TERRIBLE. And I've known...since the beginning of this whole situation that I was going to get shit. For ending things that way. For leaving like I did. For treating him the way I did. And I didn't care. Because why should I? I was pursuing my own happiness. If my friends were going to talk shit about me themselves, then fuck it right? I have my friends that actually took the time to listen to my side, but didn't say one bad thing about him because they knew I didn't want that pity, side-taking shit. I just needed them to know it from my side. Because they're my friends. And I feel so shitty because I can just feel what they're saying about this, about me. The way they see me now. I'm probably the fucking shittiest thing right? I don't know. I'm so upset... It's all blowing up in my face. That that group of friends that I had will not see me the same. Not as long as I live the life I live now, with these people now. And I'm different, you know? I'm so fucking different. I can't go back. I'm not that person anyone. I moved forward, and I didn't look back. Until now... I've known that he'd receive their comfort. I've known that I'd stay away anyway, just to let it cool. I just didn't know that they'd think so lowly of me. And I understand. I'd done the shittiest things. But my friends, right? Yeah, what happened. Unconditional? Well. I don't know. I don't know anymore. I thought I knew. I swear I thought I knew. But right now, I just don't know what to feel, how to feel. About everything. I've been gone all summer. I've been away from them all summer. It's all so fcking different now. Or maybe it's just me. And I'm finally getting the taste of karma. Just maybe. I'm saying...fuck it. Fuck the rest. My friends right now, that even try to be with me and talk to me and just listen and care, they've had me all summer. And I'm keeping them. It's nice to know who's there. Whatever happens now. But this one. This one's for Dean. This thank you won't do me any justice. In fact, I might just end up sounding pathetic and lame. I really want to hate you for doing this. I really want to hate you for a lot of things. I want to believe that you're evil, and selfish, and greedy like the people that have loved me in the past. That only want the satisfaction of their happiness. But you. God damnit. Your pure intentions can kill me. I can't believe that to this day, your concern is my bloody happiness. That you'd go through that trouble. That you'd...ah. What am I supposed to say? And I'm sure it's my bloody birthday present, but fck. Really? We both know how much that band means to me. How much that music means to me. And though I feel like shit for receiving something I don't deserve, bloody...thank you. It's so difficult. Because you're not mean. And you're not cold. And you're not an asshole. And even if you were, I'd understand. But I have never fcking met anyone like you. Is this like your master plan? Have me writhe my insides? DAMN. Good plan. And bloody, you still wanted to be my friend? Really? That was the prime thing that you wanted of me after we ended? The fck! Crazy ass. I don't understand. I don't understand your existence. I don't understand why you're being so nice. And it's bloody stupid. Because it's so natural for us to be friends. And I wish it wasn't. So that it wouldn't be easy. Because I know I don't deserve a friend like you either. What else is stupid? You're a better friend than the friends that I believe were my friends. THIS IS GAY. YOU'RE SO GAY. But ahhhh. I can honestly say. That you have shaped me the most. You are responsible for my now happiness because you led me here. You are the one that I needed to get my act together. And though you're the only person that I've ever hurt like this...you're still the only person that would never hurt me. Fuck everyone else. You made the most insane mark. You're like a badass, first tattoo, you know? You're probably small and simple, but still hurt. And it's like, now I'm moving on to more elaborate tattoos, you know? But you'll still be the one that I show people and say, "Yeah, this was my first one." I'm babbling. I don't know. I sound so bloody absurd. I don't know how I'll repay you for being incredible. But one day, I will. Watch me. Dean Dantes, it's ridiculous. But you're still a phenomena.

Monday, August 24, 2009



HYSTERIC.
"Goodnight. I need you more than I thought and more than you know."

-The best boy. My best boy, Jabe.


The Last House on the Left. Anxiety, tension, and disturbing graphics.

Fox's room is clean. We grocery shopped. Made dinner. Watched this movie. And like always, had a good time.

Good night.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

I'VE BEEN ON ALL DAY. ONE DAY IS A LONG DAY OF NOTHING.
GOOD NIGHT WORLD.


If I were an animal, you'd expect me to be a giraffe.
But I'm a wolf.
Yes, me.
WhoElse.

Facebook.

I signed on..after maybe a year or so.

Friend requests are funny. I had an Ugly Truth moment.

Confirm. Confirm. Ignore. Confirm. Ignore. Confirm. Ignore. Who the fck? Confirm. Ignore. Fcking ignore.

I just don't get Facebook. I don't know what to do. I don't know what it wants from me. I don't know what to do with myself. And I have the least bit of intent on doing anything at all. It just isn't appealing.

I caught my ma trying to find me on facebook. THIS NEEDS TO STOP.

Facebook is like my views on Tumblr. Too much. Too needy.

Blogspot is just for me. Solitary and low maintenance. Even the classic Myspace is getting needy. IM's and whatnot? I think the internet is just generally...too much for me. I mean, I am dead on AIM. Signing on is like a miraculous news for my Buddies. Laugh.

But even if it's not for me, Tumblr is interesting sometimes. There are some interesting people. The ones that are strangers to me. I like looking at the FuckYeah(enterwordhere).tumblr's. Fcking make me laugh. And I think the only Tumblr that has ever really got me is Foxxx.tumblr.com (aha, it's still gets strange that her url is how I refer to my bestfriend)
Well, she's an old classmate from CCMS. I don't know how I found this. I don't know if I even did. I think my sister did, at random. But I laugh when I browse there. Laugh out loud.

Sigh.
Blogger, we've been together for nearly two years. I like you.
This is Rik's new amusement.




And this is us being constructive with her amusement.




FCKYEAH.
WE LOVE MAMA


Meet Craig Owens of Chiodos
Amazing
Face
Voice
Mmm.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Warped!

I still haven't showered. I'm sore like a vegetable. And all I dream of when I sleep is the crowd and everything of the day before.

The lack of sleep.
The inevitable Vneck for the show.
The SilverSpeedShark.
The Mountain View traffic.
The calf-working walks.
The Maine.
The people-watching.
The Less than Jake.
The sweaty, shoving, nearly fainting for, and amazing Chiodos.
The NOS.
The expensive food.
The FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKCANCER tanktop.
The We The Kings for Ace.
The stepping on gum constantly.
The spitting constantly.
The more NOS.
The watching moshpits.
The Meg and Dia.
The finding that I'm more attracted to Meg now than Dia.
The lawn-laying.
The pink backpack that Tay carries to shows.
The sandals that Fox and Rik wore.
The dying of their feet.
The anticipation for A Skylit Drive.
The dancing with 3OH!3
The running to see A Skylit.
The disappointment of A Skylit.
The coming back to 3OH!3 to dance the end of the night.
The crowd jumping, hands and hairs flailing, and the sweat at end of the night.
The long walk to 711.
The HiChews, Dr. Peppers, Squirts, and Shark Gummies.
The talking shit about fat, scene girls with leopard/colored skinnes.
The unwinding on Fox's couch.
The coming home to my literally food-empty house.
The calling Jabe to bring us food (what an angel).
The early sleeping of Tay, always.
And the talk with Fox that lasted till 5 in the morning.

We kept talking about how there is now nothing to look forward to. It seemed accurate, but I'm keeping myself optimistic. I'm having fun. And I'm really, I am really living it up.

Thanks to Fox, Tay, Ace, Kenneth, Brandon, Rik, Tam, and the music. Always the music. Fck, I can't write anything creative? It all was just good to me. And I miss it terribly already.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Today,

Well actually, for days now, my sister has been crying left and right. Her best friend just moved to Florida today. She keeps asking me, "Have you ever been this sad? When you just start crying out of nowhere..."

Her emotional breakdowns are hard to watch. It's true, it is out of nowhere. Chen was with us today. And we'd share some laughs and have a good time, but one little moment of silence can bring her to tears. And the lame thing on my part is that I never know what to say. I never say anything actually. I just sit next to her, in front of her, around her. It's strange to feel helpless.

When I think about it, it makes me want to cry too. I think of if Fox moved away, or Jabe. And just the thought alone almost misted my eyes, aha. In fact, I'd gotten so into my thoughts that I found myself drowning in a fictional sadness. I even texted Fox telling her not to leave me for Florida. She promised me she never would. And that eased me.

Well, I just kept saying in my head, "She needs warped she needs warped..."

She'll be happy tomorrow. It'll be the best day tomorrow.

ARCHIVE, FUCKERS (for Ace-like purposes)