I knew something was wrong once the car door pulled open and I felt It's hands grab me out by my ankle while the meter sped at a hundred. I exited like a pinball, dragged on my side down the sharpened road. I looked up and saw the car disappear into the darkness and I cursed it all till my voice cracked to the dry hoarseness of silence. It dragged me till the skin on my sides were smeared down the road like It wanted to create a new traffic line out of me. It's face smirked one-sidedly. It's horns curled at the tips. It's nails dug into me with the passion of a beastly dog chasing a car. It had charred, fleshy skin that dripped black and red at It's every crevice. I looked down at my side and saw me bleeding and burning like a charcoal. I was fleshy and dripping black and red. At the sight of my injuries, my heart stopped its beating. My body limped into submission, and I knew what was next. It stopped, It unclenched It's grip on me, and It flipped me onto my other side. The feeling of air on my dragged side burned and I recognized what I was looking like. I looked at It right in the eyes and saw the helplessness of an unstoppable and vehement desire. Then the inexplicable rupture of empathy calmed my entire body. I laid still on my unburned and un-dragged side. So still that I felt the discontinuation of my heart beat turn my insides to stone. Unmoving and compliant, the beast began to drag me again. And in the matter of a few moments, I knew I'd be as charred and as hungrily empty as the fleshy beast that pulled me out of that speeding car.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
I Could Never Get Lost Driving There
You make me want to drive without my seat belt on, 20 miles over the speed limit, and pretend the break pedal fell off while my Schizophrenia and Parkinson's take hold of every bit of my existence.
Every
fucking
time.
Every
fucking
time.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Typography
When I get too lonesome and can't find the right person to talk to, I reread my own posts to correct spelling errors, grammatical errors, and other typographical errors. It never feels like there's the right person to talk to anyway. I go up and down my contact list and gamble on who could possibly tell me something that could help me loosen my back or even just nod to. Instead I just count on finding my own mistakes and attempt to correct them.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Living Room
I remember laying still, hoping not to wake you. Your breathing slowed and evened, and I waited until I found the pace of your sleep. The TV groaned its loneliness and you groaned to a sigh. Just as I knew I would and just as I always do when I heard your sighs, my hand lifted up to your hair and took hold of it. I shifted to fit you in me, and I breathed you in. I thought, "I can take it. I can take it as long as we're here." Then it came for me. The nibbling suddenness of picturing the squint of your eyes to me. By habit I pictured you awake and smiling, digging yourself into my neck and paying me a visit. My body froze so I closed my eyes to pretend I was asleep with you. When I opened them again, my lips found your forehead like they always do, and I thanked the couch for letting you settle for the night. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts of you. Because once you awoke again, I knew I had to crawl back under the blanketing truth of you, and me, and this living room that never lets me sleep.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
I Can't Find My Spectacles
I spent Valentine's day with my bestfriend Mikal because although I hate everyone, I hate her the least. Nah. Truthfully it's because I love her most.
I'm disconnected from the days again. I kind of thought my head was clearing up. But I'm still in this drone. As per usual.
I'm disconnected from the days again. I kind of thought my head was clearing up. But I'm still in this drone. As per usual.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
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