It was never supposed to be easy. Not when we were still single digits, not when we have handfuls of friends or a significant other. It's supposed to be something we choose, right?
And it doesn't just stay. The big picture is that we are completely responsible for all the things that happen to us and we can have all these feelings and emotions, but it's all in how you take it.
You're not going to stay happy, or stay angry, or stay sad, or stay indifferent. The point is that it keeps changing. It's always hot and cold. The consistency that we search for to remain feeling one single thing isn't there to be found. You will feel happy. Or angry. Or sad. Or indifferent. You can feel these all at the same time, or one at a time. But that's the adaptation of life.
Personally speaking? I was one royal dweller. The past was my sacred place. It was incredibly precious to me and every time my world had to move on, I desperately hung on to keep things the way they were. I had to learn from this the hard way.
I used to cry, all the damn time. I used to feel so sorry for myself that things weren't going the way I'd planned them to be. The things and people that used to make me happy ended up being the ones that hurt me the most. But that's my own fault. And it took me years to realize this.
Things aren't going to stay the same. Sometimes, you're not going to have the same friends as you did last week, or the same boyfriend as you did yesterday. You won't feel the same walking on the sidewalk you'll walk on the next day as you did the day before. Any promises that anybody make you, or the promises that you make yourself is already shot to hell.
I don't think I'm speaking bitterly. I think it's true. We don't have solids. We don't have consistencies. We don't have anything stable. Not even ourselves. But again, it's the adaptation of life.
People will love you. People will make you happy. But people will leave you. People will disappoint you. People will piss you off. People will hurt you. It's going to be pain and it's going to be miserable, but you have to know to get out of it. You can't play victim anymore. You always have to accept responsibilities. If you've let someone in to see you at your vulnerabilities and weak points, then you have to be prepared for the consequence. It might be nice to let someone in and not feel lonely anymore, but just remember that bliss also has consequence.
But this doesn't mean that living off of fear is the right turn. Shutting yourself out and locking yourself in is just the choice of misery. This I also had to learn the hard way. Pick up your own pieces and realize that we all have to suffer. We all have to feel pain. How else would we know how to feel love and happiness if there were none to counter them?
I have enough trust in myself to keep going and be ready for the shit that life has to offer. It doesn't matter anymore. I've thought up the things that could break me down and no matter, I can't think of being below the dirt ever again. My fears couldslow me down. My emotions could piss me off. And I'll make a shitload of mistakes. But as long as I trust myself that things will be alright, and MAKE things alright, then I'll be alright.
Once again, I don't know where this entry has taken me. But I mean, ...just saying.
